Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey, one that each individual experiences differently.
As a eulogy writer, not to mention an actual human being, I understand that the loss of a loved one leaves a void that can feel insurmountable, and finding ways to cope with this profound sorrow is essential for emotional healing.
Writing a eulogy, though traditionally viewed as a tribute to the deceased, can also serve as a powerful therapeutic tool for those grappling with grief.
Writing the eulogy for both of my parents, whilst it didn't feel like it as the time, it certainly helped me through the grieving period when they passed away. I felt like I was closer to them, and could say things I never did before. Trust me, writing as therapy is definitely a thing.
Because of that, I wanted to explore how expressing grief through the written word can aid in the healing process.
Using Writing As Therapy
Writing has long been recognised as a therapeutic activity. Together with music, I know that it is for me and I know I'm not alone.
Psychologists and therapists often recommend journaling as a means to process emotions, reduce stress and gain clarity. When it comes to grief, the act of writing a eulogy can offer similar benefits.
The basic design of a eulogy provides a structured way to reflect on the life and legacy of the deceased, enabling the bereaved to process their emotions and find a sense of closure.
Emotional Expression and Release
One of the primary benefits of writing a eulogy is the opportunity it provides for emotional expression and release.
I'm sure we can all acknowledge that grief can be overwhelming, and it is not uncommon for people to struggle with articulating their feelings when there's so many other things going on.
Writing allows individuals to put their emotions into words, which can be a cathartic experience.
By expressing their sorrow, anger, confusion and even moments of joy associated with memories of the deceased, the bereaved can begin to navigate the turbulent waters of grief.
Creating a Narrative
As I just touched on, grief often feels chaotic and disorienting thanks to the maelstrom of emotions swirling around your head.
Writing a eulogy helps to create a narrative, a coherent story that honours the life of the loved one who has passed.
This process of storytelling can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows the writer to sift through memories, organise their thoughts, and find meaning in the life and death of their loved one.
Constructing a narrative can also help the bereaved to see the larger picture, to remember the deceased not just in their final moments, but as a whole person with a rich and full life.
Honouring the Deceased
A eulogy is a tribute, a way to honour the deceased and celebrate their life.
This act of honouring can be deeply healing for the bereaved. It allows them to focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life, to remember the love and joy they shared, and to acknowledge the impact the deceased had on their own life and the lives of others.
By focusing on these positive memories, the bereaved can find comfort and solace amidst their sorrow.
The Healing Journey of Eulogy Writing
I believe that the process of writing a eulogy can be broken down into several stages, each of which offers unique therapeutic benefits.
From initial reflection to the final delivery, each step provides an opportunity for healing and growth.
Step 1. Reflection and Memory
The first step, I believe, in writing any eulogy is reflection. This involves looking back on the life of the deceased, recalling memories and considering the qualities that made them unique.
There's no doubt that this reflection can be both painful and joyous, as it brings up a whole spectrum of emotions. However, it also serves as a means to connect with the deceased, to relive moments shared, and to appreciate the depth of the relationship.
This stage allows the bereaved to confront their feelings and begin to process their loss.
Step 2. Writing and Organising
Once the reflection phase is complete, the process of writing and organising the eulogy begins.
This step requires the writer to structure their thoughts and memories into a coherent narrative - it doesn't have to be the finished article, just arranged some semblance of order.
If the reflection stage went well and you have a multitude of memories and stories, remember not all them necessarily need to be included.
Select which stories to share, which qualities to highlight and how to best convey the essence of the deceased in the time you have available for the eulogy.
This organisational aspect can provide a sense of control and purpose, which is often lacking in the wake of loss. It allows the bereaved to actively engage with their grief and channel it into a constructive activity.
Step 3. Editing and Revising
Once you have a first draft, the next phase is editing and revising the eulogy.
This stage encourages the writer to revisit their work, to refine their thoughts and to ensure that their tribute accurately reflects the deceased.
It is an opportunity to engage with the material on a deeper level, to consider the impact of each word and the overall tone of the piece. Are all the important people in the life of the deceased mentioned? Are their memories included? Is it the right length?
You might, for example, through the stories you have included, find there are duplicated themes or a repetition of thoughts. That's why we edit.
This iterative process can also be therapeutic, as it allows the writer to continue processing their emotions and to find greater clarity and resolution.
Step 4. Sharing and Connection
Finally, delivering the eulogy offers a moment of sharing and connection. Whether it is read at a funeral, memorial service or shared privately with family and friends, the act of delivering a eulogy creates a communal space for grieving and remembrance.
This shared experience can provide a sense of support and solidarity, reminding the bereaved that they are not alone in their sorrow.
It can also foster a deeper connection with others who are mourning, as they share in the collective celebration of the deceased’s life.
Practical Tips for Writing a Therapeutic Eulogy
Writing a eulogy can be a daunting task, especially amidst the emotional upheaval of grief.
If that's the position you find yourself, here are some practical tips, using what I've talked about already, that will help guide you through the process:
1. Start with Reflection
As I mentioned earlier, if you're writing a eulogy, I would always begin by reflecting on the deceased’s life.
Consider their personality, achievements and the moments that defined your relationship. What did they teach you? What values did they hold that you admired? What were the most treasured memories you shared?
Write down your thoughts and memories without worrying about structure or coherence at this stage, that comes later.
Focus on the Positive
While it is important to acknowledge the pain of loss, try to focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life.
Highlight their strengths, their accomplishments and the joy they brought to you and others.
Be Authentic
It might sound a bit 'twee' or like a cliché, but write from the heart. Authenticity resonates more deeply than perfection. Allow your genuine emotions and your memories to guide your writing.
Organise Your Thoughts
Create an outline to help structure your eulogy. Consider beginning with an introduction, followed by key memories or stories and concluding with a message of farewell or gratitude.
Edit and Revise
Any writer will tell you all writing is rewriting. Nothing is ever perfect the first time.
Take the time to edit and revise your eulogy. With all the emotions you feel, Read it aloud to ensure it flows smoothly and captures the essence of the deceased.
Seek Support
If you find the process overwhelming, PLEASE seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.
They can provide feedback, encouragement and help you navigate your emotions.
Final Thoughts...
Grief is a deeply personal journey and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing for everyone.
As hard as it can be, writing a eulogy can be a powerful tool in the grieving process.
It provides an opportunity for emotional expression, creates a narrative that honours the deceased, and fosters connection with others who are mourning.
By engaging in the therapeutic process of eulogy writing, the bereaved can find a sense of solace, purpose and ultimately, healing. Something we all need on occasion.
Through the written word, we can honour our loved one’s legacy and begin to navigate the path towards acceptance and peace.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I do appreciate it. These are just my thoughts, but I'd love to know what you think too. Do you use the writing process to help your mental health? Did writing a eulogy help you with the grieving process and if so, how? Have I missed anything? Let me know in the comments below.
If writing or editing a eulogy is something you need help with, then I can help you on that journey and I'd be happy. Take a look at the services I offer let's have a chat. Thanks again for your time.
Main blog photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash
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