How to Support Someone Writing a Eulogy

When someone is asked to write a eulogy, it is often seen as a privilege. It is a chance to honour a loved one, celebrate their life and speak on behalf of family and friends during one of life's most emotional moments. However, what many people don't see is the enormous pressure that comes with that responsibility.

As a professional eulogy writer, I've worked with countless individuals who have been entrusted with delivering a final tribute. Almost every one of them has said something similar at some point.... "I just don't know if I can do this".

I thought that myself when my own Dad died.

I'd been a professional writer for about 12 years at that point so, of course, I was asked (or maybe 'tasked') with writing the eulogy. It was my first, long before I did it for a living. As I'm sure you can imagine, writing your own father's eulogy was an incredibly hard thing to do. I remember sending the first draft to my siblings and wider family and they all commented how hard it was to read. I know it was, but nothing compared to writing it.

Writing a eulogy isn't simply another writing task. It requires someone to revisit memories while navigating fresh grief, balancing often huge family expectations and finding the right words when emotions often make words impossible to find.

If someone close to you is writing a eulogy, your support can make a tremendous difference. Sometimes, the greatest gift isn't helping them write, it is helping them carry the emotional weight of writing it.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

How to Support Someone Writing a Eulogy

If someone close to you is writing a eulogy for a shared loss, then I thought I'd put together some hints and tips (15 in fact) so that you can give them the support they will undoubtedly need. Let's start with...

1. Understand the Emotional Burden

Before offering advice or assistance, I think it helps to understand what the person writing the eulogy is actually experiencing. They're not just preparing a speech. They're trying to summarise an entire lifetime. They're deciding which memories deserve to be shared. They're worrying about forgetting someone important. They're wondering whether they'll become too emotional to finish speaking and they're trying to comfort everyone else while often feeling heartbroken themselves.

Many people also feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility. They may believe that if the eulogy isn't "perfect", they will somehow have let their loved one down. Trust me, that is an enormous emotional burden to carry, so be there for them.

2. Recognise That Grief Affects Creativity

People often assume writing is simply about sitting down with a blank page, but grief changes that completely. Concentration becomes difficult. Memories arrive in unexpected waves and simple decisions suddenly feel impossible.

A person may spend an hour staring at a single sentence because every word feels significant. This is perfectly normal.

Rather than encouraging them to "just get it done" (or something similar), acknowledge that writing while grieving is mentally exhausting. Sometimes they aren't struggling because they lack ideas, they're struggling because grief has taken up so much emotional energy already.

3. Offer to Listen Rather Than Edit

One of the most valuable, and often overlooked, things you can do is simply listen.

Invite them to talk about the person they've (or you've both) lost.

Ask gentle questions such as:

• "What's your favourite memory?"

• "What always made everyone laugh?"

• "What would they want people to remember?"

• "What made them unique?"

These shared conversations often unlock stories that naturally belong in the eulogy.

Importantly, don't approach these discussions like an editor looking for improvements.

Instead, just be someone who helps preserve memories.

In my experience, many beautiful eulogies begin as ordinary conversations around the dinner table.

4. Help Gather Stories from Others

Writing a eulogy can feel lonely so remind the writer they don't have to remember everything themselves.

You can offer to contact relatives, friends, neighbours or former work colleagues to collect memories, funny stories and favourite sayings.

Often, these contributions become some of the most meaningful moments within the tribute. They also help reduce the pressure of feeling solely responsible for representing an entire life.

5. Don't Expect Immediate Progress

Grief rarely follows a schedule. Some days the words will flow. The next day they may not write a single sentence.

Whilst I appreciate there is often a timescale to adhere to, at all costs, avoid asking questions like "Have you finished it yet?" Instead, ask "How are you getting on?" or simply "Is there anything I can do to help?"

The focus shifts from the document to the person. Trust me, that small change matters.

6. Encourage Breaks

When someone becomes deeply focused on writing a eulogy, they often forget to look after themselves. Hours pass. Meals are skipped. Sleep becomes disrupted and emotions build quietly.

Encourage them to step away from the page occasionally.. This could be you go for a short walk, make them a cup of tea, sit in the garden or watch something light-hearted on the TV together.

Grief doesn't disappear during these moments, but the brain benefits from regular pauses. Quite often, the right words arrive after stepping away, rather than forcing them.

7. Manage Expectations (Yours and Theirs)

One of the greatest gifts you can give is perspective.

Remind them that the congregation is not there to judge the quality of the prose, it's not a TED talk after all. They are there to honour the person who has died and to support the family. The audience is on their side. They want the eulogy to go well for the writer, not against them.

I always tell my clients "The eulogy is the most important thing you will ever read. It is not a memory test". It is perfectly acceptable to read directly from a script or use the Notes app on your phone. It is better to have a script and not need it, than to need it and not have it.

Endorsement over editing is a crucial line to walk. Unless the writer asks you to be an editor, do not edit their words. If they ask for feedback, focus on what worked. Something like "The part about their sense of humour was so moving" is helpful. "You should move paragraph two to the end," is not. Your job is to be a cheerleader, not a literary critic. Their voice must remain authentic to them.

8. Reassure Them That Perfection Doesn't Exist

Perhaps the greatest anxiety I hear from clients is this "It has to be perfect".

The truth is that no eulogy is perfect. Families rarely remember whether every sentence was polished. They remember sincerity. They remember warmth and they remember hearing the voice of someone who genuinely loved the person being remembered.

A heartfelt tribute delivered imperfectly is infinitely more meaningful than a flawless speech that feels distant. Remind them that authenticity matters far more than perfection.

9. Offer Practical Help

I hope that I've shown already that supporting someone emotionally is important, but supporting them practically can be just as valuable.

Consider taking small tasks off their shoulders. This can be as simple as:

• Preparing meals.

• Looking after children.

• Walking the dog.

• Collecting funeral paperwork.

• Running errands.

• Helping organise photographs.

Every practical task removed creates a little more emotional space for them to concentrate, or simply to rest.

10. Be Prepared for Tears

Many people worry when the writer becomes emotional (and they will). They immediately try to distract them or change the subject. Instead of doing that, allow space for those emotions.

Tears are not a sign they're failing, they're a sign they loved deeply. Sometimes crying during the writing process actually helps people reconnect with memories they hadn't thought about in years. It certainly was for me.

Allow those moments without rushing to fix them. Grief isn't something that needs solving. It needs understanding.

11. Remind Them They Don't Have to Carry It Alone

One misconception is that because someone has agreed to deliver the eulogy, they must write every word themselves. That simply isn't true. As a professional, I obviously write hundreds of eulogies per year, but I don't deliver any of them.

The grieving process should be a team game. By that I mean that family members can contribute memories. Friends can suggest stories. Someone else can proofread (or I can). Another person can help organise the structure. Professional support like mine is also available.

As a eulogy writer, I regularly work alongside families, not to replace their voice, but to help shape it. Many clients are surprised to discover that asking for help actually allows them to create a far more personal and meaningful tribute.

There is no prize for struggling in silence.

12. Help Them Practise Without Pressure

Even once it's finally written, reading a eulogy aloud for the first time can feel overwhelming. As such, offer to sit quietly while they practise.

Avoid interrupting every few sentences. If they become emotional, simply wait. They don't need an audience judging their delivery, they need someone who makes them feel safe enough to pause, breathe and continue. Often, confidence grows simply through familiarity.

Trust me when I say that the more they read it aloud, the less intimidating it becomes.

13. Remind Them That Nobody Expects Them to Be Perfect on the Day

When it comes to the funeral itself, many speakers fear they'll cry. In reality, most funeral attendees expect emotion. It would probably me more odd if they didn't cry. A few tears don't diminish the tribute, they reinforce how much the person was loved.

It's perfectly acceptable to pause, take a breath, sip some water and collect their thoughts.

The congregation will almost certainly be doing the same. People aren't listening for polished public speaking. They're listening for love through their own grief.

14. Watch for Signs They're Becoming Overwhelmed

Writing a eulogy while grieving can become emotionally draining so keep an eye out for signs they may need some extra support. This will include, but not limited to,

• Constant exhaustion.

• Difficulty sleeping.

• Feeling guilty about every decision.

• Becoming withdrawn.

• Feeling unable to start despite wanting to.

• Increasing anxiety about speaking.

If these feelings become overwhelming, encourage them to ask for help. That might mean sharing the writing with another family member or working with a professional eulogy writer like me who can provide guidance and reassurance throughout the process.

15. Remember That the Writer Is Grieving Too

One thing I always remind families is that the person writing the eulogy isn't simply organising the funeral. They're also mourning.

Sometimes, because they're so focused on helping everyone else, people forget to ask how they're coping so check in with them. Listen, offer encouragement, remind them to eat and encourage rest.

Most importantly, remind them that they don't have to be strong every minute of every day.

Photo by Kylli Kittus on Unsplash

When Professional Help Can Make All the Difference

Many people believe hiring a professional eulogy writer like me means someone else writes a generic tribute. That couldn't be further from the truth.

My role is to listen, ask thoughtful questions, organise treasured memories and help families express emotions that can feel impossible to put into words.

Sometimes clients already have pages of notes but don't know how to shape them.

Others have beautiful memories but can't bring themselves to start writing.

By working together, we create a tribute that genuinely reflects the individual being remembered while easing some of the emotional burden on the person who has been asked to speak.

Seeking support isn't admitting defeat. It's recognising that grief is hard enough without carrying the entire responsibility alone.

The PostScript

Writing a eulogy is one of the most emotionally demanding tasks many people will ever face. It asks someone to reflect on a lifetime of memories while living through one of the hardest chapters of their own life.

If someone you care about has been given that responsibility, remember that your support extends far beyond helping with the words themselves. A listening ear, practical assistance, gentle reassurance and the freedom to grieve without judgement can all make an enormous difference.

As a professional, I write eulogies for people where I don't know the deceased. I gather the facts, the dates and the anecdotes. But I cannot write the love. I cannot write the inside jokes, the specific way they laughed, or the quiet, unspoken bond that was shared.

Only the person you are supporting can do that, and they can only do that if they have the mental and emotional capacity to access those memories. Your role is to be the guardian of that capacity. You are the gatekeeper of their energy, the organiser of their thoughts, and the comforter in their distress.

've seen first-hand how much easier this journey becomes when people don't feel they have to face it alone. Whether through family, friends or professional guidance, sharing the emotional load allows the writer to focus on what truly matters: creating a heartfelt tribute that celebrates a life with honesty, warmth and love.

If you're struggling to write a eulogy, or someone close to you feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, you don't have to navigate it by yourself. Together we can help transform uncertainty into confidence, ensuring your loved one's story is told with the care, dignity and compassion it deserves.

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Thanks so much for reading my post, I hope it helped. If this is a situation in which you've found yourself, how did you manage it? Did you use of of these tips and tricks or did you have your own method? If you've had to support someone close to you in writing a eulogy, what worked best? Let me know in the comments below. I read and reply to all of them.

If you'd like compassionate, professional support with writing a eulogy, I'd be honoured to help. Get in touch today for a confidential, no-obligation conversation, and together we'll create a tribute that celebrates a life well lived and leaves a lasting memory for everyone who hears it.

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