The Role of Eulogies in Modern-Day Grieving

Grief in the modern world has become both more public and yet, at the same time, more private than ever before.

We live in an age where loss is often shared through social media posts, WhatsApp group chats and online memorial pages, yet the true act of mourning, of sitting with the reality of someone’s absence, has become harder to find space for.

Amidst all this digital noise, one tradition has remained quietly essential: the eulogy.

As a professional eulogy writer, I’ve had the privilege of helping families find words for moments when words seem impossible. What I’ve learned is that no matter how much technology changes the way we communicate, the human need to honour, reflect and remember remains unchanged.

For me, a eulogy is not just a speech, it’s a mirror, a story and sometimes, a lifeline to those left behind but what does modern day grieving look like?

A Tradition That Still Speaks to Us

Eulogies have always been about connection. In centuries past, they were shared in small churches or village halls, where everyone knew the name being spoken.

Today, that same ritual still holds power, even if the audience now includes distant relatives watching through a livestream or friends joining a virtual service from thousands of miles away.

At their heart, eulogies remind us what grief truly is: love with nowhere to go.

When someone stands up and gives voice to that love, telling stories about them, recalling their quirks, describing the laughter they shared, it gives everyone else permission to feel. It transforms silent sorrow into shared memory.

In a society that’s often uncomfortable with open displays of emotion, eulogies offer something rare... a sanctioned moment of vulnerability.

Modern Day Grieving: Why Words Still Matter in the Age of Social Media

Social media has changed the landscape of grieving. It’s common now to see posts that begin “I can’t believe you’re gone,” followed by a stream of comments and emojis, small, digital candles of sympathy. For some, these online tributes offer comfort; for others, they feel hollow. That’s where eulogies come in.

Writing or hearing a eulogy forces us to move beyond instant reaction into reflection. A well-crafted eulogy doesn’t just summarise a life, it interprets it. It helps mourners make sense of what’s been lost and find meaning in the memories left behind.

When someone passes, our grieving minds scatter into fragments: the sound of their laugh, the smell of their aftershave, the way they’d always forget their keys. When I write a eulogy, my job is to gather those fragments into a whole.

I want it to create coherence from chaos because, in a world of fleeting posts and endless scrolling, this kind of slow, intentional storytelling is deeply healing. It invites us to stop, remember and feel, something the fast pace of modern communication rarely allows.

The Healing Power of Writing a Eulogy

Many people think of eulogies as something only to be heard. But the act of writing one, even if you never read it aloud, can be profoundly therapeutic.

Grief is often described as a storm, unpredictable, overwhelming and isolating. Writing helps anchor you in that storm. It offers structure when your world feels disordered.

As you sift through memories, decide which stories to include, and choose the right words, you start to make sense of both the person who’s gone and your own relationship with them.

I’ve worked with countless families who began our conversations unsure of what to say, worried they’d “get it wrong.” But somewhere between laughter, tears, and the occasional sigh of frustration, something remarkable happens, they start to remember the person not just as they died, but as they lived.

That’s the quiet magic of a eulogy. It reframes loss as legacy. It doesn’t erase pain, but it offers a container for it, a way to hold it without being consumed.

Digital Memorials and the Evolving Eulogy

In the UK, it’s becoming increasingly common to see eulogies shared beyond the funeral service itself.

As people switch away from the local newspaper obituary section, families might post a recording on social media, include excerpts in dedicated online obituaries, or even create a digital “memory wall” where friends can leave their own tributes.

Photo by Shutter Speed on Unsplash

At first glance, this might seem like a modern dilution of tradition. But in many ways, it’s the opposite.

It extends the reach of remembrance. Someone who couldn’t attend the service can still hear the words that celebrated their loved one’s life.

In one family I worked with recently, the eulogy was posted to a private Facebook group. Over the following weeks, the comment thread became a living, breathing extension of the speech itself, filled with shared stories, old photographs and jokes that only those who knew the deceased would understand.

It was a reminder that modern grieving doesn’t have to mean less meaning, it just means we find new ways to share it.

Group Chats, Voice Notes, and Quiet Confessions

One unexpected side of contemporary grief is how it plays out in our message groups.

Whether it’s a family WhatsApp chat or a circle of friends trying to process the same loss, these small digital spaces can become mini-memorials.

Someone might send an old photo at midnight. Another replies with a voice note: “Remember when they did that ridiculous thing at the wedding?” Slowly, a story unfolds, and before you know it, you’ve written an informal, communal eulogy.

These moments, while not traditional, reflect the same instinct that formal eulogies do: to remember, to laugh, to cry together.

As a writer, I often encourage people to draw from these conversations when preparing a eulogy. They’re full of raw, unfiltered truth; the kind of memories that reveal a person’s essence far more than any official biography.

The Spoken Word and Shared Catharsis

There’s also something irreplaceable about hearing a eulogy spoken aloud.

Words on a page can be beautiful, but in the room, with the tremor in a voice, the collective hush, the ripple of laughter at a fond memory, something transcendent happens.

It becomes communal grief, not solitary.

The act of listening connects everyone present through shared emotion and when the eulogy manages to make people smile through their tears, it gives permission to celebrate as well as mourn.

I often tell families: you’re not just telling a story about someone; you’re reminding everyone why they mattered.

Modern Grieving and the Need for Authenticity

In an era where so much of life (and death) is curated for public consumption, eulogies offer an antidote to performance.

A heartfelt eulogy doesn’t need to sound polished or profound. It just needs to be real.

Whether written by a family member or with the help of a professional like me, the most powerful eulogies are those that sound like the person being remembered, full of their humour, their quirks, their imperfect humanity.

Grieving in the digital age can feel oddly detached for some. We see condolences in comment sections, memorial hashtags and AI-generated “remembrances.” But standing in a room, or even joining a livestream, and hearing someone speak truthfully about love and loss brings us back to what’s real.

When Words Help Us Move Forward

For me, eulogies don’t close the chapter of grief; rather they mark a turning point. They give shape to the indescribable. They remind us that love doesn’t end, it transforms.

For some people, hearing a eulogy is the first time they truly cry. For others, it’s the first time they laugh since the loss. Both are vital. Both are healing.

In a society that often expects us to “move on” quickly, eulogies give us permission to pause, to linger in memory for a moment longer before rejoining the world.

I’ve had clients come back to me months later to say they still re-read the eulogy or rewatch the recording. It becomes a touchstone, a reminder not of death, but of life and that always make me feel good.

The PostScript: Keeping the Eulogy Alive in the Modern World

Even as our methods of mourning evolve, I believe the role of the eulogy remains steadfast. It bridges the ancient and the modern, the handwritten and the digital, the intimate and the shared.

Whether spoken from a pulpit, streamed on Zoom, or posted on social media, a eulogy still performs the same essential task: it tells the story of a life and, in doing so, helps the living to heal.

As someone who writes eulogies for a living, I believe this tradition endures because it reflects something universal. Beneath all our apps, screens and notifications, we’re still the same creatures seeking connection, meaning and remembrance.

A good eulogy reminds us that the person we’ve lost mattered, and that we, the ones left behind, are still connected by the simple, profound act of remembering.

So whether you’re sitting down to write one, listening to one at a funeral, or even sharing a few words in a group chat, know this: you’re taking part in one of humanity’s oldest, and most healing, rituals. Because no matter how modern our world becomes, saying goodbye will always need words.

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Thank for taking time to read my post, I'd love to know what you think. Have you experienced the modern way of funerals? What did you think? How have you used social media to memorialise those you've lost? Was it better? Worse? Let me know in the comments below.

If you have lost someone and need a eulogy writing for them, I'd be honoured to help. Please get in touch and let's have a conversation about how I can help create something special.

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