10 Tips for Delivering a Eulogy That Truly Captures a Life Well-Lived

Whilst it's one request you might never want to receive, when it does, it's both an honour and a daunting challenge: you’ve been asked to deliver a eulogy!

Whether it fills you with pride, humility, or trepidation, your task sounds simple: to sum up a unique, complex, and cherished life in just a few minutes.

However, the reality isn't so straightforward as the weight of doing justice to their memory, combined with the raw edge of your own grief and the pressure of public speaking, can feel overwhelming.

But here’s a comforting truth from a professional eulogy writer: a eulogy doesn’t need to be a flawless oration. Its purpose is not to impress, but to honour. It is an act of love, a final gift to the person who has passed and a profound comfort to those who are mourning. The most powerful eulogies are not the most polished, but the most authentic.

If you’re not a seasoned public speaker, fear not, I've put together ten practical tips that will guide you in crafting and delivering a eulogy that truly captures the essence of a life well-lived.

Delivering A Eulogy: My 10 Tips!

1. Start with Heart, Not Perfection

Before you write a single word, set aside the pressure to create a masterpiece. Instead, focus on your intention: to pay tribute.

Gather your thoughts by asking yourself a few simple, heartfelt questions:

• What is my favourite memory of this person?

• What three words best describe their character?

• What did they love?

• What made them laugh?

• What is a lesson they taught me, directly or by example?

Jot down the answers, along with any stories, quirks, or phrases that come to mind.

Don’t filter or judge them just yet. This initial brain dump is the raw material from which your authentic eulogy will be forged. Remember, you are not writing a biography, but painting a portrait with words.

2. Structure Your Thoughts: The Anchor in the Storm

If you've never written a eulogy before, let me tell you that a clear structure is your best friend, especially when emotions are high. It prevents you from rambling and ensures you cover the most important points.

A simple, yet effective framework looks like this:

• The Introduction - Briefly introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased. State your purpose, i.e., to celebrate and honour their life.

• The Core Characteristics - Dedicate a paragraph to 2-3 of their defining traits (e.g., their generosity, their wicked sense of humour, their unwavering resilience).

• The Anecdotes - For each characteristic, share a short, specific story that illustrates it. Stories are the soul of a eulogy; they make abstract qualities tangible and memorable.

• The Conclusion - Summarise the impact they had on you and others. You might end with a final farewell, a meaningful quote, or a simple expression of what they will be missed for.

This structure acts as a roadmap, keeping you on track even if your mind goes blank for a moment.

3. Write for the Ear, Not the Eye

I've been a professional writer (not just eulogies) for over 15 years, but when I started writing eulogies for a living, this tip sounded (and felt) counterintuitive at first, but the fact is, a eulogy is meant to be heard, not read.

In reality, this means using language that is conversational and accessible.

• Use short sentences - They are easier to speak and for the audience to digest.

• Avoid complex vocabulary - You want your words to resonate, not confuse.

• Read it aloud as you write - For me, this is the single most important tip for crafting the flow. If you stumble over a phrase while practicing, your audience will stumble while listening. Rewrite it until it rolls off the tongue.

4. Practice, But Don't Memorise

Practice is essential for managing nerves, but memorising your eulogy word-for-word can be a trap and is unnecessary. When you're under pressure, forgetting a single line can cause panic, and that's the last thing you need.

Instead:

• Aim for familiarity, not perfection - Practice reading your eulogy out loud several times. Get comfortable with the sound of your own voice saying the words.

• Know the key points - Be so familiar with your structure and your stories that you could tell them in your own words if you had to.

• Use notes effectively - Print your final speech in a large, easy-to-read font (18-point is ideal). Double or triple-space the lines. Use bold for headings or key transition points. On the day, this will be your lifeline.

5. Befriend Your Nerves, They Are Normal

It is perfectly normal (and physiologically expected) to be nervous. Your heart may race, your hands may tremble, and your mouth may feel dry. Accept this as part of the process, not a sign of impending failure.

These will help:

• Breathe - This is not a cliché; it’s a biological reset button. Just before you stand up, take three slow, deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for six. This calms your nervous system.

• Hydrate - Bring a small bottle of water with you.

• Acknowledge the emotion - If you feel yourself getting choked up, it’s OK. The audience is on your side. They are feeling the same emotions. A simple “Please bear with me for a moment” (or similar) is all you need. No one is judging you.

6. The Power of the Pause

For an inexperienced speaker, silence can feel terrifying. We instinctively rush to fill any awkward silence, but when delivering a eulogy, a well-placed pause is one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal.

• Pause to breathe - It gives you a moment to collect yourself.

• Pause for emphasis - After a profound statement or a key detail in a story, a pause allows it to land and resonate with the audience.

• Pause for transition - A brief silence signals that you are moving from one thought to the next.

• Pause for emotion - If you are overcome, pause. Look down, take a breath, and sip some water. The audience will wait with compassion. This silent moment of shared emotion can be more powerful than any words.

7. Connect with Your Audience, Not Your Paper

While you will need your notes, your connection with the mourners is what really creates a shared experience.

To enhance that, remember these three things:

• Look up - At the beginning and end of sentences, consciously lift your eyes and make soft, gentle contact with people in the audience. You don’t need to scan the room or stare; simply connect with a few friendly faces.

• Speak to them - Imagine you are sharing these stories with a small group of close friends or family, because you are. Let that intention soften your tone.

• Remember your role - You are not a performer on a stage; you are a representative for everyone present, giving voice to the collective love and loss.

8. Embrace the Emotion (Yours and Theirs)

There's no denying that a eulogy is an emotional event. You're not a robot, so trying to be a stoic, unfeeling rock is not only difficult, but it can also create a barrier between you and the audience.

It’s perfectly normal to show emotion. It’s OK if your voice cracks. It’s even OK to cry.

When you show your genuine emotion, you actually permit others to feel theirs. This shared vulnerability is at the heart of the mourning process.

If you become too overwhelmed, simply pause, breathe and look at your notes. The goal is not to get through the eulogy without feeling, but to get through it with heart.

9. Keep it Positive and Personal

A funeral is a time to focus on celebration and remembrance. While it’s OK to acknowledge hard times or complexities, the overall tone should be one of honour and love.

Avoid airing grievances, telling inappropriate stories, or sharing anything that would cause discomfort or distress to the immediate family or other mourners. When in doubt, ask yourself: "Does this story capture the spirit of the person I knew and loved? Would it make them smile?"

10. Remember the "Why"

In the final moments before you walk to the podium, reconnect with your purpose. You are not there to deliver a perfect speech. You are there because you were chosen. You were deemed worthy of representing a fraction of the love and light that this one life created. You are there to honour a friend, a parent, a sibling, a partner.

The people listening are not critics; they are allies in grief, seeking comfort and connection. They want you to succeed. They are rooting for you.

As you stand before them, take one last deep breath. Look at your notes. See the name of the person you are there to honour at the top of the page. Let that sight ground you. Then, begin.

Speak slowly. Speak from the heart. Pause when you need to. Look up and share your love for the person you’ve lost.

You will not just be delivering a eulogy. You will be performing a final, profound act of love - one that will be remembered and cherished for years to come, and that is a eulogy truly worthy of a life well-lived.

Once It's Over...

As you step down from the podium, you may not remember every word you said. You might only recall the feeling of your heart pounding in your chest or the sweat pouring. But know this: you might not realise it but you have accomplished something profound.

You have stood in a moment of immense personal sorrow and chosen to focus on love. You have gathered memories and, for a few precious minutes, woven them into a tapestry that reminded everyone present of the beautiful, irreplaceable individual they have lost.

The technicalities like the pauses, the eye contact, and the structure are merely tools to help you deliver your message. The message itself, the love, and the remembrance are what truly matter.

Your courage in speaking, your vulnerability in showing emotion, and your effort in preparing are, in themselves, a magnificent tribute. You will not just have delivered a eulogy; you will have performed a final, profound act of love, one that will be remembered and cherished for years to come, and that my friends, is a eulogy truly worthy of a life well-lived.

The PostScript

Never forget that delivering a eulogy is a tremendous act of courage and compassion. You are standing before others in their most vulnerable moment, giving voice to what they cannot yet say. That alone makes it one of the most human things we can do.

I hope I've shown you that you don’t need to be eloquent or confident — you only need to be present. Trust your preparation, take your time, and remember: everyone in that room wants you to succeed. They’re not judging your delivery; they’re listening to your love.

If you take nothing else from these tips, remember this: a great eulogy doesn’t need to impress — it needs to express.

Speak honestly, speak slowly, and speak from the heart. When you do, you’ll honour not just the person who has passed, but the life, laughter, and love they leave behind.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I really do appreciate it. These are just my thoughts, but I'd love to know yours, too. Have you delivered a eulogy you've written? What helped you get through it? Did you utilise any of these tricks, or did you do something I haven't mentioned that really helped? Let me know in the comments below.

If you need help writing a eulogy then I'd be honoured to assist you. Whether you need it writing from scratch or just to give your existing text a professional polis, please get in touch and let's have a conversation.

Finally, if you did enjoy this post, please give it a '❤️' and feel free to share it on your socials. Maybe someone in your network might just be in need of it.