I say it a lot I know, but a eulogy is a poignant opportunity to celebrate and reflect on the life of a loved one.
But amidst the grief, many people grapple with one pressing question, which also the most common question I get asked, at least in a professional capacity, and that is "how long should a eulogy be?".
It might sound like a straight-forward question, and in some ways it is, but not one with a straight-forward answer. Let me try to explain why.
So How Long Should A Eulogy Be Then?
Whilst funerals and memorial services differ depending where they happen in the world or the religious doctrine they adhere to, here in the UK where I'm based, funerals as a whole are often tightly scheduled.
As such when it comes to the eulogy, striking the right balance between brevity and depth is key to crafting a meaningful tribute. That's easier said than done, and I say that as a professional eulogy writer.
The fact is there isn't a definitive length for the eulogy. The real 'secret' is creating the perfect eulogy that fits the time you have; one that honours the deceased and celebrates their life in the most memorable way.
With that in mind, and with this blog I wanted to try and help better answer that question by exploring some practical advice for determining the ideal length of your eulogy and provide tips to ensure your message resonates, whether you have two minutes or ten.
Understanding the Typical Funeral Format
In the UK, funerals are often held at crematoria, churches or other venues where time is often limited.
Crematorium services typically allow a 20-30 minute slot, but other elements like seating times for attendees, carrying in the coffee, hymns, readings and music can leave an ever-narrowing window for the eulogy itself.
On average, eulogies last between 5 and 12 minutes. Whilst it might not sound like much, this duration is generally enough to share heartfelt stories without overwhelming the audience or encroaching on other parts of the service.
Factors That Influence the Length of a Eulogy
Whilst many ceremonies will share similar structures and obviously the content will be unique to deceased and their family and friends, the length of the eulogy will be determined by a number of factors separate to these which you may need to look into before writing. They include:
Venue and Service Type
Religious services might allow more flexibility than a crematorium ceremony, but even then, it's best to coordinate with the officiant or funeral director to understand how much time is available.
If there is a service of any kind immediately before or after yours, then time will be even more stringently observed.
I've no doubt that the venue will have a buffer between appointments but the very nature of these things mean that unexpected things can occur, so that time can easily be eaten into.
Audience Size and Attention Span
Large gatherings often require concise and well-structured speeches to maintain the engagement of a large congregation.
As part of your timings, you'll have to take into account the time it takes for people to get seated, which will also be determined by the amount of mourners there are.
Obviously the more people that come to pay their respects, the more time it will take to get them all seated and settled.
Your Comfort as the Speaker
If you're reading the eulogy yourself, and particularly if public speaking isn’t your forte, aiming for a eulogy around 5-7 minutes can help alleviate nerves while still making a meaningful impact.
Taking time to speak slower, compose yourself as necessary (especially if emotions begin to take over you) and giving space in the speech for reaction from attendees will all play their part in the timings.
If you've included some humour in the eulogy, even pausing for a couple of seconds to allow for some smiles or laughter in various places can all add up.
The Deceased’s Wishes
If the deceased left specific instructions about their funeral, their preferences should also guide your timing.
If they have wanted particular songs played or the reading of scriptures or poems will add minutes because they will all vary in length.
Crafting the Right Eulogy for Any Duration
Since I started PostScript, I've written eulogies that vary in length from 3 minutes (yes, really) up to a huge 15 minutes. On average, most of them are written to last between 7- 10 minutes.
Obviously I write the words for a eulogy, but I don't deliver the words, so the time it takes will depend on who's delivering it.
People will speak, on average, at a rate of around 140 words per minute (wpm) but this can vary anywhere from 110 to 170 wpm.
When you factor in the emotions felt during a funeral, especially if you're delivering the eulogy yourself, it's easy to speak faster than usual because of nerves, your raw emotions or just the need to want to get to the end of it in one piece.
Depending on the time you have available, here's what I would focus on.
1. For a Short Eulogy (2-4 Minutes)
Focus on one or two key anecdotes that capture the essence of the person.
Use vivid language to create an emotional connection quickly.
Avoid lengthy introductions or lists of achievements - you can talk about them at the wake - instead prioritise quality over quantity.
Example outline for typical 3 minute eulogy:
Opening: One sentence summarising the person’s character (e.g., "John was the kind of man who made everyone feel like family.")
Key Story: Share a brief but impactful memory.
Closing: End with a heartfelt sentiment, such as what you’ll miss most about them.
2. For a Standard Eulogy (5-10 Minutes)
Include a broader mix of stories, achievements and personality traits.
Create a narrative arc: start with their early life, transition to their passions or career and conclude with their legacy.
Incorporate humour where appropriate to lighten the mood without detracting from the solemnity.
Example outline for a 7 minute eulogy:
Introduction: Describe their essence in a few words.
Life Story: Highlight key milestones.
Personal Touches: Share anecdotes or quotes.
Conclusion: Reflect on their impact and legacy.
3. For an Extended Eulogy (10+ Minutes)
Extended eulogies are rare (at least in my experience) but may occur in less formal settings i.e. later at the wake, or in private or memorial settings.
Use a structured approach with natural breaks to avoid losing the audience’s attention.
Incorporate multimedia elements like a photo slideshow if appropriate.
If you are going to be writing a longer eulogy, here are some tips for those longer speeches:
Practice your pacing to avoid rushing or dragging.
Plan moments to pause and let emotions settle.
Engage the audience by posing rhetorical questions or referencing shared memories.
6 Tips for Making Your Eulogy Memorable
As I've touched on already, the length of the eulogy isn't as important as the content of the eulogy.
When looking to make a memorable eulogy, regardless of length, think about the six things:
Start Strong - Open with a statement or anecdote that immediately captures attention. Instead of a generic “We are gathered here today,” try something like, “If you ever needed a laugh, you could count on [their name] to deliver.”
Focus on Themes - Organise your eulogy around themes like generosity, humour, or resilience rather than a chronological retelling of the person’s life. This approach keeps the speech cohesive and impactful.
Speak from the Heart - Authenticity is more important than eloquence. Let your natural voice shine through, even if it trembles with emotion. No-one will be judging your performance.
Practice, But Don’t Memorise - Rehearsing will ensure you stay within the time limit, but memorising every word can make you sound robotic. No-one is expecting you to deliver it word-for-word from memory so I'd recommend using cue cards with key points on them instead.
Use Humour Sparingly - Lighthearted moments can offer comfort, but avoid jokes that might be misunderstood or feel inappropriate in that setting. I've got a specific blog on humour linked here and at the bottom of this page, if you're interested.
Conclude with a Call to Remember - End with a thought-provoking statement or encouragement for the audience to carry the deceased’s legacy forward. For instance, “Let’s honour [their name] by living with the same kindness she showed us.”
Navigating Timing Challenges
No matter how well planned the service is, regardless of how much you've rehearsed the eulogy, expect the unexpected.
Any number of things can occur, especially on a day filled with so many raw emotions. What might have seemed easily do-able a week before, once the day arrives, anything can happen to throw even the best laid plans into a muddle.
With that in mind, I've put together a few things you can plan for, but hopefully never need! They include:
What if You’re Asked to Speak Last Minute?
Stick to one anecdote or memory that resonates with you personally.
Don’t worry about crafting a perfect speech; sincerity is enough.
What if You Exceed Your Time Limit?
Keep a watch or timer nearby.
If you notice you’re running long and the staff are looking increasingly nervous conclude quickly with a closing thought like, “In closing, I’ll always remember him for his laughter and love.”
What if the Audience is Emotional?
Let's face it, they will be that's why pauses are your friend. Allow space for emotions to settle before continuing.
Acknowledge the mood in the room with something like “It’s hard to say goodbye, but I hope we can all take comfort in these memories.”
What if You Get Emotional?
It’s natural to become emotional during a eulogy. If you’re overcome, simply pause, take a breath, a sip of water and compose yourself for a few seconds. The audience will understand I promise.
Practical Timing Tips
Write It Out - As I touched on earlier, aim for about 130-150 words per minute when drafting. Timings may be a little up in the air, especially shortly after their passing, but as you get closer to the funeral, you'll get a better idea so you can adjust your drafts accordingly. Remember a 5-minute speech will be end up being approximately 600-750 words in length.
Time Yourself - Practice with a timer to ensure you stay within your allocated time. Remember that it's easier (but not easy!) to say it in the comfort of your home, quite another to say it on the day with an audience.
Leave Room for Flexibility - Account for natural pauses, audience reactions, or unexpected emotional moments.
The PostScript
A well-timed eulogy is a gift to the grieving - an opportunity to honour the departed while offering comfort to those left behind.
Whether you speak for two minutes or twenty, the most important thing is to speak with love and sincerity.
By focusing on meaningful stories, pacing yourself and, most importantly, staying true to the deceased’s memory, you can deliver a eulogy that resonates, no matter the clock.
The heart of a good eulogy isn’t its length; it’s the life it brings back to the room, even for a moment.
Thanks for taking the time to read my latest post. I hope you found it useful and, if relevant to your circumstances, I hope it helps you create your eulogy. I wish you the very best with it but I'd also love to know what you think.
Did I miss anything? If you've delivered a eulogy what did you do to help get you through it? If you did it again, what would you do differently? Let me know in the comments below.
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If you need any help with writing a eulogy then I can help. Whether you need a bespoke one writing from scratch or just help editing the one you have already, then I'd be honoured to help you. Take a look at my services and please get in touch if you need any help.
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