Eulogy Writing Tips for Non-Writers
- Gary Michaels
- Aug 4
- 6 min read
It's no secret that losing a loved one is one of life’s most difficult experiences and being asked to write a eulogy shortly after can feel like an overwhelming responsibility, especially if you don’t consider yourself a writer, because chances are... you're not!
I do it for a living but I understand the pressure to honour someone’s life in just the right way can leave you staring at a blank page, unsure where to begin, but the truth is, a eulogy doesn’t have to be a perfect piece of literature. It simply needs to come from the heart.
If you’re struggling to find the right words, know that you’re not alone. Many people feel the same way when faced with this daunting task and that's usually the point in which I come in.
As a professional eulogy writer the easiest thing in the world would be just to tell you to pay me to write the eulogy for you, and whilst that's obviously an option, I also respect that times are tough and it's just not always financially possible. Alternatively, you just might want to do it yourself for your own reasons, and that's OK too.
The good news is that with a little guidance, whether you're a writer or not, you can craft a meaningful tribute that captures the essence of your loved one and that's exactly what this blog is for.
I will say that if at any point it does feel too difficult or overwhelming to put your emotions into words, remember that I am available to help, ensuring your loved one’s memory is honoured with the care and eloquence they deserve. You can find out more about my services here.
That said, if you are wanting to do it yourself, where do you start? Good question! To answer that, I've put together some of my best tips for writing a eulogy, specifically aimed at non-writers.
My 4 Eulogy Writing Tips For Non-Writers
1. Finding Your Starting Point
One of the biggest hurdles in writing in general, but especially with a eulogy, is simply getting started.
You might wonder:
How do I sum up an entire life in just a few minutes?
What if I leave something important out?
These and many more questions are completely understandable. The key is to begin with small, manageable steps rather than trying to write the entire speech at once.
Start by jotting down memories, no matter how random or disjointed they seem.
Think about the moments that defined your loved one; their quirks, their passions, the way they made people feel.
Did they have a favourite saying?
A habit that always made you smile?
A story that perfectly captures their spirit?
These fragments will soon become the foundation of your eulogy.
Another helpful approach is to ask friends and family for their favourite memories.
Sometimes, others will recall stories or traits you don't know about or ones you hadn’t considered and these shared reflections can add depth to your tribute.
You might even discover a common theme, perhaps their kindness, their humour, or their resilience, that can serve as the central thread of your eulogy.
2. Structuring Your Thoughts: A Natural Flow
Once you’ve gathered your memories, the next step is to organise them in a way that feels natural.
Despite what many think, a eulogy doesn’t need a rigid structure, but having at least a loose framework can help you feel more confident as you write.
Many eulogies begin with an introduction that acknowledges the loss and expresses gratitude for those in attendance.
From there, you might share a brief overview of their life; key milestones, relationships, and passions, before moving into personal stories that illustrate who they were.
Ending with a heartfelt goodbye, a meaningful quote, or even a shared hope for how they’ll be remembered can provide a sense of closure.
Remember, this isn’t a formal biography, nor does it need to be. You don’t need to list every job they ever had, every person they ever met or every place they ever visited, unless those details were central to their identity or led to one of those key life events.
Instead, focus on the moments that reveal their character.
Did they light up a room with their laughter?
Were they the person everyone turned to for advice?
Did they have a quiet strength that inspired others?
These are the details that will resonate most with those listening.
3. Writing with Emotion: Honesty Over Perfection
Believe me when I say that it’s OK if your words aren’t polished. In fact, a eulogy that feels too rehearsed or formal can sometimes lose the warmth and authenticity that makes it meaningful.
Give yourself permission to write as you would speak, with emotion, with pauses, even with moments of humour if it feels right.
If you’re worried about becoming too emotional while speaking, that’s completely normal. No one expects you to deliver a flawless speech through tears. Pausing to take a breath, acknowledging your grief, or even asking someone to step in if needed are all absolutely fine. Those listening will understand; they’re grieving too after all.
Finally, if the thought of writing and delivering the eulogy feels like too much, there’s no shame in seeking help.
Professional eulogy writers like me can take your memories and craft them into a beautiful tribute, allowing you to focus on being present with your family rather than struggling with words.
4. Making It Special: Personal Touches That Matter
I believe that a truly memorable eulogy doesn’t just recount facts, it brings the person to life in the minds of those listening, so consider weaving in personal touches that reflect their unique personality.
Did they love a particular song, poem, or book? If so, including a short reading or lyric can add a layer of meaning.
Were they known for a signature phrase, unique fashion sense or sense of humour? Working these into the eulogy can bring a smile through the tears.
Even small details, like mentioning their favourite coffee order or the way they always mispronounced a certain word, can make the tribute feel intimate and real.
Another way to make the eulogy special is to speak directly to your loved one at some point, as if they’re listening.
Telling them what they meant to you, what you’ll miss most, or even a simple “thank you” can be incredibly powerful.
Final Tips Before You Deliver the Eulogy
Once you’ve written your eulogy, practice reading it aloud. This will help you identify any sections that feel awkward or too long, and it will also prepare you emotionally for speaking in front of others.
If possible, have a trusted friend or family member listen and offer feedback; they might suggest a tweak that makes all the difference.
On the day of the service, bring a printed copy in a clear, easy-to-read font. Consider having a back-up person who can step in if you’re unable to continue, and most importantly, remind yourself that however it comes out, it will be enough.
Your love and effort are what people will remember, not the exact words you chose.
The PostScript: It’s OK to Ask for Help
Writing a eulogy is a deeply personal and emotional task, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
But if the process feels too overwhelming, or if you want to ensure your loved one’s story is told with the eloquence and care it deserves, I can provide support.
Sometimes, having an experienced writer shape your memories into a cohesive tribute can lift a weight off your shoulders during an already difficult time.
Whatever path you choose, whether you write it yourself or seek assistance, what matters most is that your words come from a place of love. In the end, that’s what will make the eulogy truly meaningful.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post. I hope it helps you. If this is a situation in which you have found yourself, how did you get through it? What hints and tips helped you the most? Have you any advice for my community that I hve n't mentioned here? Let me know in the comments below. I read and reply to all of them.
As I mentioned, if writing a eulogy is too much for you right now, I'd be honoured to take that weight of your shoulders. Please get in touch and let me know how I can help. I look forward to hearing from you.
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