Writing a eulogy is a deeply personal and often emotional task. I write them for a living but that statement is equally true no matter who's doing it.
It’s an opportunity to honour a someone’s life, capture their essence in words and offer comfort to those mourning their loss.
However, with the weight of the moment, it’s easy to fall into common pitfalls that can make the speech less effective.
How To Avoid The 10 Most Common Mistakes When Writing A Eulogy
Not only do I write bespoke eulogies from scratch, I also edit eulogies that other people have written to give them a, let's call it, a professional polish, so I've seen eulogies of all shapes, sizes and styles.
With that in mind, I wanted to take that experience and look at ten of the most common mistakes people make when writing a eulogy and, more importantly, how to avoid them.
1. Making It Too Long
One of the biggest mistakes I see people making when writing a eulogy is letting it run too long.
When emotions are high, it’s tempting to include every memory, every tribute and every thought about the deceased. But a eulogy is not a life story, it’s a snapshot, a heartfelt summary of who the person was and what they meant to those around them.
How to Avoid This
Aim for a eulogy that lasts between five to ten minutes. This typically translates to about 750 - 1000 words when spoken at a natural pace.
If you have too much to say, consider narrowing your focus to a few key themes or anecdotes that best capture the person’s spirit.
2. Being Overly Formal or Impersonal
Some people feel pressured to make their eulogy sound like a grand literary speech, filled with formal language or generic platitudes.
While there’s nothing wrong with a respectful tone, a eulogy should feel authentic and personal, not like a school essay or a Wikipedia entry.
How to Avoid This
Write as you would speak naturally. Use your own words and voice.
Imagine you are telling a friend about the person who has passed. It’s OK to use light humour, warmth and genuine emotion - it makes the eulogy feel real and heartfelt.
3. Forgetting to Practise the Speech
Writing a eulogy is only half the battle - the delivery is just as important.
Many people make the mistake of writing their speech but not practising it aloud before the service.
This can lead to stumbling over words, misjudging the length, or struggling with emotions when reading it for the first time in front of others.
How to Avoid This
Once you have written your eulogy, practise reading it out loud several times.
Time yourself to ensure it fits within the appropriate length. If possible, rehearse in front of a trusted friend or family member for feedback.
4. Making It About Yourself
While personal anecdotes can add warmth and authenticity, a eulogy should primarily be about the deceased, not the speaker.
Some people inadvertently turn their speech into a personal reflection, focusing more on their own emotions and experiences than on celebrating the life of the person who has passed.
How to Avoid This
Use personal stories sparingly and ensure they highlight the deceased’s character, values, or impact.
For example, instead of saying, “I felt so lost when they passed,” you might say, “They had a way of making everyone feel valued and supported, and that’s something I will always cherish.”
5. Overloading It with Clichés and Generic Statements
Saying that someone was “kind, loving, and always there for others” is a nice sentiment, but it doesn’t tell us much about who they truly were.
A eulogy filled with vague statements and overused phrases can feel generic and impersonal.
How to Avoid This
Instead of broad descriptions, use specific stories or examples.
Rather than saying, “They had a great sense of humour" tell a short anecdote that showcases their wit.
If they were compassionate, recall a time they went out of their way to help someone. These small details bring their personality to life in a big way.
6. Avoiding Emotion Entirely
Some people try to keep their eulogy completely emotionless, fearing they will break down or that showing emotion is inappropriate.
While it’s understandable to want to maintain composure, a eulogy that is too clinical or detached can feel cold and unrelatable.
How to Avoid This
It’s absolutely OK to show emotion.
A eulogy is a tribute, not a performance. If you become overwhelmed while speaking, take a deep breath, pause and compose yourself.
The audience will understand, it’s a deeply human moment. If you’re worried about becoming too emotional, have a backup reader designated beforehand who can take over if needed.
7. Being Too Negative or Dredging Up Unpleasant Memories
No one is perfect, and some relationships are complicated.
However, a eulogy is not the place to air grievances, bring up past conflicts, or highlight the deceased’s flaws.
Even if the person was difficult, the focus should be on their best qualities and the positive impact they had.
How to Avoid This
If you struggled with your relationship with the deceased, focus on neutral or positive aspects.
If necessary, you can acknowledge difficulties in a gentle way, such as
“We had our ups and downs, as all families do, but I will always remember their resilience and sense of humour.”
8. Ignoring the Audience and Occasion
A eulogy is not a private letter between two people, it is meant for an audience.
Some speakers write eulogies that are too complex, filled with inside jokes, or too personal, making it difficult for others to connect with the tribute.
How to Avoid This
Consider who will be in attendance and what will resonate with them.
Keep the language clear and accessible. Inside jokes or niche references should be framed in a way that everyone can understand.
9. Reading Directly from the Paper Without Engaging the Audience
While it’s OK to read from a written speech, some people make the mistake of never looking up, making the delivery feel stiff or disconnected.
How to Avoid This
Familiarise yourself with your speech so you’re not completely dependent on the page.
Use natural pauses to look up and make eye contact with the audience. It helps create a more engaging and heartfelt delivery.
If you've practiced enough, you could also use flashcards and write down bullet-points to help you remember and navigate through the speech.
10. Forgetting to End on a Meaningful Note
A weak or abrupt ending can make the eulogy feel unfinished. Some people trail off awkwardly, unsure of how to conclude their tribute.
How to Avoid This
Think about what message you want to leave with the audience.
You might end with:
A heartfelt farewell: “We will miss you, but we will carry your love with us always.”
A final memory: “Whenever I hear their favourite song, I will smile and remember the joy they brought into the world.”
A moment of gratitude: “Thank you for the love, the lessons and the laughter. We are better for having known you.”
The PostScript
I don't care how many times I've said it, writing a eulogy is an honour and a responsibility.
It’s natural to feel pressure, but avoiding these common mistakes can help you craft a speech that is meaningful, personal and fitting for the occasion.
By keeping it concise, personal and heartfelt, you will ensure that your words truly honour the person’s memory and provide comfort to those who hear them.
Thank you for reading my post, I hope you enjoyed it and if it helps you write a more beautiful eulogy for your loved one, then that's even better.
I'd also love to know what you think. If you've been to a funeral, what do you think makes a good eulogy? Where do people go wrong when delivering one? What would you insist on if someone was writing your eulogy? Let me know in comments below.
If you need a eulogy writing for your loved one, I'd be honoured to help. Even if you already have a rough draft of a eulogy that just needs editing, I can help with that too. Please get in touch or take a look at my services and let's have a conversation about how I can help you create something worthy of your loved one.
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