Anyone who’s delivered a eulogy will tell you that it is an emotionally challenging task. It’s an honour for sure, but also comes with a significant responsibility, especially when surrounded by the family and friends of those who have passed.
A eulogy allows you to celebrate the life of someone dear, sharing their speaking aspect, it's natural to feel anxious.
Delivering A Eulogy. How To Do It With Confidence
I've been to far too many funerals in my time and I always have nothing but respect for those delivering the eulogy. I've also done a lot of public speaking in my time, but I'm not sure I could ever do it at a funeral of someone I was close to, not without becoming a blubbering wreck!
That said, if that's the position you find yourself. here's what I've learned on how to navigate that difficult moment with confidence and grace, honouring the deceased while keeping yourself composed.
Understanding the Importance of a Eulogy
There’s no right and wrong way to write a eulogy (well actually there probably IS a wrong way to do it) but whoever creates it and however it’s written, a eulogy should serve several purposes:
Honouring the Deceased
It is a tribute to the life of the person who passed away, acknowledging their character, accomplishments and relationships.
Providing Comfort:
Your words offer solace to those grieving, helping them feel a connection to the departed and finding peace in shared memories.
Preserving Legacy: A well-delivered eulogy can highlight important life lessons and values that the person embodied, leaving an impression that resonates beyond the service.
Given these important roles, it’s essential to take the task seriously and prepare adequately. Here are my key tips to help you deliver a eulogy with confidence.
1. Prepare Thoughtfully
The foundation of a confident eulogy begins with thoughtful preparation. This is where you gather your thoughts, memories, and stories.
Structure is key because it gives you a clear path to follow and prevents rambling.
Key Elements to Include in Your Eulogy:
Introduction: Start by acknowledging who you are and your relationship to the deceased. This sets the context and allows people to understand your connection.
Biographical Elements: Include key milestones and aspects of the person’s life, such as their upbringing, family, career, passions, and accomplishments.
Personal Stories: Share personal anecdotes that reflect their character. Focus on stories that highlight their kindness, humour, strength, or other defining traits.
Reflection on Their Impact: Consider how they impacted the lives of those around them. How did they influence their family, friends, community, or work?
Closing Remarks: Conclude with a heartfelt message. This could be a final goodbye, a meaningful quote, or a message of comfort for those in mourning.
As you prepare, remember that your eulogy doesn’t have to be long - five to ten minutes is typically enough.
Focus on quality over quantity. It’s more important to speak sincerely than to cover every detail of the person’s life.
2. Practice to Build Confidence
Once you’ve written your eulogy, practice is your best ally.
Practicing out loud will make you more familiar with the material and reduce nervousness.
Rehearse in front of a mirror, or ask a trusted friend to listen and provide feedback.
Practicing helps you:
Identify pacing
Ensure you’re speaking slowly and clearly. Emotional situations can speed up speech, so remind yourself to take your time.
Spot emotional triggers
Some passages might bring up strong emotions. By rehearsing, you can prepare yourself and decide how to handle these moments (pausing, breathing, or editing the section if necessary).
Test clarity
Practice will show you if certain phrases are difficult to say or sound awkward. This gives you a chance to tweak your language for smoother delivery.
3. Manage Your Emotions
Speaking at a funeral, particularly for someone close to you, is emotionally challenging.
While emotions are natural and human, you want to balance them so you can speak clearly and make it through the eulogy.
Here’s how to stay composed during your speech. I appreciate they might sound obvious, but in the midst of a bereavement, even the simplest of things can slip your mind.
Take deep breaths
Deep breathing slows your heart rate and reduces anxiety. Before stepping up to the podium, take several deep breaths to calm yourself.
Have a glass of water handy
Sometimes, emotional moments dry your throat or make it difficult to speak. Taking a sip of water during a pause can help regain control.
Focus on one person
If the room feels overwhelming, find someone supportive to focus on while speaking. Their familiar and comforting face can help keep you grounded.
Accept imperfections
It’s okay to get emotional. If you tear up or need to pause, don’t worry. Everyone understands the situation and will be empathetic. Take a moment to collect yourself, and then continue.
4. Stay Mindful of Your Audience
Remember that your audience is likely to be grieving, just as you are. They will appreciate a balance between sincerity and brevity.
Keep in mind:
Empathy for the grieving
Understand that everyone listening is experiencing their own form of grief. Your words should be comforting, respectful, and compassionate.
Tone and delivery
Even though a eulogy involves some storytelling, this isn’t the time for humor that might be inappropriate. Light-hearted anecdotes are welcome, but avoid anything that might seem insensitive.
Pacing
The audience will appreciate a steady, calm delivery. Speak clearly and give them time to absorb your words. Avoid rushing through the speech.
5. Keep It Personal, But Universal
While you may have a deep, personal connection with the deceased, it’s important to balance the personal nature of your speech with elements that everyone can relate to.
Focus on traits and memories that reflect the person’s life as a whole, not just your own relationship with them.
For instance, you might say
“John had a way of making everyone feel welcome in his home, whether it was family, friends, or someone he’d just met,”
Something like this might be more appropriate, rather than focusing solely on an intimate experience that others may not understand or fully appreciate.
This approach makes the eulogy more inclusive and comforting to the entire audience.
6. Prepare for Unforeseen Challenges
Unexpected things can happen during any public speaking event, and funerals are no exception.
There could be technical issues (like a microphone not working), or your emotions may get the better of you.
Have a backup plan
Bring a printed copy of your eulogy, even if you plan to deliver it from memory or notes. If you lose your place or get overwhelmed, you can quickly refer to your script.
Take pauses when needed
If you feel yourself becoming too emotional, it’s okay to pause. Take a deep breath, and when you’re ready, continue.
Embrace support
If you’re unable to finish your speech, it’s okay to ask someone else to take over. If you feel overwhelmed, a family member or friend can step in to help.
7. Focus on Your Purpose, Not Perfection
Remember, the purpose of a eulogy is to honour the memory of a loved one - not to deliver a flawless performance.
Everyone in attendance will understand that it’s a difficult task, and they are not expecting perfection. They’re there to share in the grieving process and to hear your heartfelt words.
Keep the following in mind:
It’s not about you:. Let go of the pressure to be perfect. The focus is on the person you are honouring, and everyone will appreciate your sincerity over any polished performance.
Be kind to yourself: This is an emotional time. It’s perfectly OK if you stumble over words, need a moment to collect yourself or get emotional. What matters most is the love and respect you’re showing for the deceased.
8. Lean on Faith or Philosophy if Appropriate
Depending on the context of the funeral and the beliefs of the deceased and their family, incorporating elements of faith, spirituality or a guiding philosophy can bring comfort to those grieving.
You might consider sharing a meaningful scripture, quote or poem that resonates with the deceased’s life and the beliefs of those in attendance.
If the family has requested a religious element, make sure to discuss it with them ahead of time to ensure your words align with their wishes.
9. Use Visual Aids if Helpful
If the family and funeral setting allow it, visual aids such as a photo slideshow or a video can complement your speech.
While the eulogy is typically a spoken tribute, adding a visual element can evoke memories and emotions in a way that words alone cannot.
However, be sure that any visual element does not distract from the focus of your speech. It should enhance the eulogy, not dominate it.
The Final Word
Delivering a eulogy is a deeply personal and emotional experience. While it’s natural to feel nervous, remember that those listening are not there to critique your public speaking skills. They’re there to mourn, to celebrate a life and to find comfort in your words.
You're all there for the same reason, to support each other through this difficult time.
Approach the task with confidence, be prepared, be authentic and deliver with humility and kindness - both toward yourself and others.
By focusing on the life and legacy of your loved one, and speaking from the heart, I have no doubt you will deliver a eulogy that truly honours their memory, offering solace to everyone in the room, including yourself. You got this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post, if you have a funeral coming and you're reading the eulogy, I hope it helped you prepare. I wish you the best of luck with it. I'd also love to know your thoughts on this post. If you've delivered a eulogy what tips and tricks worked for you? How did you get it through? What did you learn about yourself? Let me know in the comments below.
If you have recently lost a loved one and need a eulogy, then please get in touch. I will deliver a heartfelt bepoke eulogy that honours their memory. Take a look at my site at the services I provide.
Main blog photo courtesy of The Good Funeral Guide via Unsplash
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