How to Handle Emotions While Delivering a Eulogy
- Gary Michaels
- Jul 7
- 5 min read
It probably won't come as much of a surprise to you to learn that standing before a crowd to speak about someone you’ve loved and lost is one of the most vulnerable moments a person can experience.
The weight of grief, the pressure of public speaking and the fear of breaking down all combine to make the task feel impossible. And yet, it is possible. Trust me on that.
However inexperienced or emotionally raw you may feel, you absolutely can deliver a eulogy with grace and sincerity with a little planning.
I will tell you that it won’t be easy, anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong, but with the right approach, you can honour your loved one in a way that feels true to their memory and to your own heart.
How to Handle Emotions While Delivering a Eulogy
For all the eulogies I've written for people, I never get to hear them read out loud in person, but I do offer clients some hints and tips on how to deliver them so, with that in mind, I wanted to document them here, so everyone can benefit.
So, without further ado, let's look at how to handle your emotions while delivering a eulogy in seven simple steps.
The Power of Preparation
There is a quiet strength in preparation and it's all too often under-estimated.
When you take the time to write and rehearse your words beforehand, you give yourself the gift of familiarity.
No matter who wrote them, the first time you speak the eulogy aloud, you'll feel a flood of emotions; your voice may crack, your hands may tremble, but with each repetition, the words will settle into you, becoming less like a minefield of emotion and more like a path you’ve walked before.
If you are writing it yourself, write your eulogy as early as you can, definitely not the night before. Once finished, don't start editing it straight away, let it sit for a day or two, then return to it with fresh eyes.
Once complete, read it aloud in the privacy of your room, then to a trusted friend. Time yourself, not to rush and not to find how quickly you can get through it, but read it to find your cadence, in other words your natural rhythm in the words.
When the moment does come to stand before others, this preparation means you won’t be wrestling with the unknown. You’ll be speaking words that have already passed through your lips, through your heart, more than once.
Embrace the Emotion, Don’t Fight It
Grief, as hard as it is, is not a flaw in your delivery, it is part of the story.
The people listening are not waiting for a perfect speech; they are there to remember, to mourn and to celebrate a life with you.
If your voice shakes, let it. If you need to pause and take a breath, do so. Those moments of raw emotion are not failures; they are proof of love.
That said, there is a difference between allowing emotion to surface and being overtaken by it.
If you feel tears rising, slow down. Press your fingertips lightly against the podium to steady yourself. Take a deliberate breath, or a sip of water. The silence that follows is not awkward; it is sacred.
Breathe Through the Hardest Parts
Breath is the anchor that keeps you from being swept away with your emotions.
Before you begin, take a slow inhale, filling your lungs completely, then exhale just as slowly.
If, mid-speech, you feel your throat tightening, pause. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven, release for eight. This simple act kind of resets your nervous system, pulling you back from the edge of overwhelm.
Have a Lifeline Ready
Even the most prepared among us can be ambushed by grief. That’s why it helps to have a backup plan.
Print an extra copy of your eulogy and give it to someone you trust; be it a friend, a family member or even the officiant or celebrant. Knowing that someone can step in if needed removes the fear of total collapse.
If the idea of standing alone feels unbearable, consider sharing the duty.
Ask another loved one to deliver part of the eulogy, or to stand beside you as you speak. There is no rule that says grief must be carried alone.
Focus on Why You’re There
A eulogy is not a performance. It is an act of love.
When anxiety creeps in, remind yourself that you are not being judged on eloquence. You are there to bear witness to a life that mattered. The people listening are not critics; they are allies in your shared grief.
If your mind races, ground yourself in the physical world. Feel the solidness of the floor beneath your feet. Notice the weight of the paper in your hands. These small anchors tether you to the present, keeping you from being pulled under by emotion.
The Night Before: Visualise and Release
The evening before the service, close your eyes and imagine yourself standing at the podium.
Picture yourself speaking clearly, pausing when needed, feeling the support of those around you. This mental rehearsal is not about perfection, it’s about familiarity.
When the moment arrives, it will feel less like stepping into the unknown. Then, let it go.
You’ve prepared. You’ve practiced. Now, trust that when the time comes, the right words will find you, because they will.
Afterwards, Be Gentle with Yourself
When it’s over, there may be relief, exhaustion, or a fresh wave of grief that hits you, whatever you feel, let it be.
Rest assured that you have done something profoundly difficult, and you did it not for praise, but for love and that, my friends, is more than enough.
The PostScript
No one is ever truly ready to say goodbye, but a eulogy is not about endings, it’s about honouring what remains.
The stories, the laughter, the legacy.
However your voice shakes, however many pauses you take, what matters is that you showed up. What matters is that you stood before others and said This person mattered to me, to all of us. This love remains.
And that, in the end, is all that’s required.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, I hope it helps you deliver your eulogy. If it's something you've done in the past, which of these techniques helped you? Are there any others you tried that got you through that I haven't mentioned here? Let me know in the comments below.
If just the thought of reading a eulogy is enough and you can't even think about writing it, I'd be honoured to help you out. Whether you need a beautiful bespoke eulogy writing from scratch or just a professional polish or edit on one you'd already put together, I can help. Please get in touch and let's have a conversation about how.
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