What To Do If You Can’t Finish a Eulogy Due to Emotions
- Gary Michaels
- Mar 17
- 6 min read
Losing a loved one is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face and one which we all will have to deal with at some point.
When (or if) you’re asked to deliver their eulogy, it’s both an honour and a heavy responsibility.
A eulogy is a chance to celebrate the life of the person who has passed, to share memories and to offer comfort to those who are grieving. However, the emotional weight of the moment can make it difficult to get through the speech without breaking down.
If You Can’t Finish a Eulogy, What Can You Do?
If you find yourself unable to finish a eulogy due to overwhelming emotions, know that you’re not alone. This is a natural response to grief but there are strategies you can use to navigate this situation with grace and compassion.
I write a lot of eulogies for clients and this is one of the main concerns many of them tell me they're worried about when reading it so with this blog, I wanted to explore some practical tips, emotional strategies and ways to prepare for the possibility of being overcome with emotion during a eulogy.
Whether you’re worried about delivering a eulogy or have already experienced the challenge of being unable to finish, these insights can help you honour your loved one while still taking care of yourself.
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Before you even begin writing or delivering a eulogy, it’s important to acknowledge that emotions will likely be present.
Grief is a deeply personal experience and there’s no 'right' way to feel. Crying, pausing or even being unable to finish your speech doesn’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, it’s a testament to the love and connection you shared with the person you’re honouring.
If that's the position you find yourself in, give yourself permission to feel. Suppressing emotions can make the moment even harder. If you need to take a breath or pause, do so. I promise you the people in the room will understand.
2. Prepare for the Emotional Challenge
Preparation is key when delivering a eulogy. While you can’t predict exactly how you’ll feel in the moment, you can take steps to make the process easier.
Write Down Your Thoughts
Start by writing out your eulogy in full. This will help you organise your thoughts and ensure you cover everything you want to say. Having a written copy also serves as a safety net if emotions make it difficult to speak.
If you're worried about getting through it, keep your eulogy concise. A shorter speech is easier to deliver and less likely to overwhelm you.
Practice Out Loud
Practice reading your eulogy aloud several times before the service, this is especially useful if you didn't write the eulogy yourself. Either way, it will help you become familiar with the words and identify sections that might be particularly emotional.
I'd also recommend you practice in front of a trusted friend or family member. They can provide feedback and support and their presence can help you gauge how you might feel on the day.
Plan for Pauses
When practising, identify natural places to pause. This could be after a meaningful story or a particularly emotional sentence.
Knowing where to pause can help you regain composure if needed.
3. Have a Backup Plan
Even with preparation, emotions can become overwhelming. The whole day will be awasd with them so having a backup plan ensures that your eulogy can still be delivered, even if you’re unable to finish.
Ask Someone to Step In
Before the service, ask a trusted friend or family member to be ready to step in if you just can’t continue. Let them know where you’ve placed your written eulogy so they can take over seamlessly. It might also be a good idea to identify them in advance and give them a copy of the eulogy so they're not coming in completely cold.
Try and choose someone who was also close to the deceased. They’ll likely understand the emotions you’re experiencing and can deliver the eulogy with care.
Use Technology
If you’re concerned about being unable to speak, consider recording your eulogy in advance. You can play the recording during the service, ensuring your words are heard even if you’re unable to deliver them live.
If you choose this option, I'd recommend letting the officiant or a family member know so they can manage the technical aspects.
4. Use Emotional Anchors
During the eulogy, certain moments or phrases might trigger strong emotions. To help manage these feelings, use emotional anchors, these are techniques that ground you in the present moment.
Focus on Your Breathing
If you feel tears welling up, take a deep breath. Focus on the sensation of breathing in and out.
This simple act can help calm your nerves and give you a moment to collect yourself.
As silly as it might sound, I'd certainly practice deep breathing exercises before the service. This will make it easier to use this technique if (or when) emotions arise.
Use a Physical Object
Hold onto something tangible, like a small photo, a piece of jewellery or even the podium/lectern itself. This physical connection can provide comfort and help you stay grounded.
When choosing an object use one that reminds you of the person you’re honouring. It can serve as a source of strength during the eulogy.
5. Embrace the Silence
Silence can feel uncomfortable, especially in a room full of people. However, pausing to collect yourself is perfectly OK. In fact, moments of silence can be powerful and meaningful.
If you need to pause, take a sip of water or simply stand quietly for a few seconds. The audience will understand and respect your need for a moment. No one will be critiquing your performance.
6. Simplify Your Delivery
If you’re worried about being overwhelmed, consider simplifying your delivery. This doesn’t mean your eulogy will be any less meaningful, it just means you’re prioritising your emotional well-being.
Read Directly from Your Notes
Instead of trying to memorise your eulogy or speak extemporaneously, read directly from your notes. This reduces the mental load and allows you to focus on getting through the speech.
Use a large, easy-to-read font for your notes. This will make it easier to follow along, especially if your vision is blurred by tears.
Share the Responsibility
If the thought of delivering the entire eulogy alone feels too daunting, consider sharing the responsibility. Ask other family members or friends to contribute their own memories or thoughts.
This approach not only lightens the emotional burden but also provides a more comprehensive tribute to your loved one.
7. Lean on the Support of Others
You don’t have to go through this alone. The people attending the service are there to support you, just as you’re there to honour your loved one.
Make Eye Contact with Supportive Individuals
Identify a few friendly faces in the audience; people who you know will offer encouragement. Making eye contact with them can provide a sense of comfort and connection.
Let these individuals know in advance that you might look to them for support during the eulogy.
Accept Help
If someone offers to help, whether it’s by taking over the eulogy, handing you tissues or simply standing by your side, accept their assistance. Grief is a shared experience and it’s OK to lean on others.
8. Remember the Purpose of a Eulogy
When emotions feel overwhelming, it can help to refocus on the purpose of a eulogy.
Remember you’re not expected to deliver a perfect speech. Your goal is to honour your loved one and provide comfort to those who are grieving.
If you’re unable to finish, simply say, “I’m sorry, I can’t continue.” Then, take a seat or hand the eulogy to someone else. Your effort and love will still be deeply felt.
9. Practice Self-Compassion
Finally, be kind to yourself. There's no denying that delivering a eulogy is an emotionally taxing task, and it’s OK if things don’t go exactly as planned. Your loved one would understand and so will everyone in the room.
After the service, take time to process your emotions. Journal, talk to a friend or simply rest. You’ve done something incredibly difficult, and you deserve compassion and care.
The PostScript
Let me stress that being unable to finish a eulogy due to emotions is not a failure, it’s a reflection of the deep love and connection you shared with the person you’re honouring.
By preparing in advance, having a backup plan and leaning on the support of friends and family, you can navigate this challenging moment with grace.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve and your emotions are a testament to the impact your loved one had on your life.
Take it one step at a time, and know that your effort to honour them is what truly matters. I wish you the best of luck.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. I hope it's helped you if that's a situation in which you find yourself. If you've delivered a eulogy yourself, how did you get through it? Did you utilise any of these techniques or did you have your own? Let me know in the comments below.
If you need a beautiful bespoke eulogy for a loved one you've lost, please get in touch. I can write one from scratch or give one already written a professional polish to honour your loved one. I look forward to hearing from you.
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