How to Write a Eulogy for Yourself

Most of us don’t get the final word. When we pass away and our friends and family gather at our funeral or memorial service, our story is often told by others; filtered through a mix of grief, nostalgia and the lens of how they saw us.

It can be a beautiful tradition, but what if you could write your own eulogy before the final curtain falls? What if you got to shape your own legacy, while you're still around to laugh, cry and cringe at it?

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

Writing a eulogy for yourself, known as a living eulogy, might sound like an exercise in morbidity or ego. But I don't think it’s either of those things. In fact it's quite the opposite, I believe it’s one of the most life-affirming things you can do.

An example of a living eulogy might include something like this:

"If you’re reading this, I hope I lived a life that made you feel loved. I wasn’t perfect - I made mistakes, sometimes let fear hold me back and didn’t always say the right thing. But I tried my best to be kind, to learn from failures, and to leave things better than I found them. I hope I was a good friend, a loving family member and someone who brought a little light into the world. I hope I chased curiosity, stood up for what was right and never stopped growing. Most of all, I hope my life reminded others that it’s never too late to change, to love deeply and to make a difference - no matter how small."

A living eulogy is about taking control of your story, recognising your own worth and finding clarity about what truly matters to you. Plus, it’s cheaper than therapy and has fewer side effects than a midlife crisis!

Whether you're marking a milestone birthday, reflecting after a life shake-up, or simply curious about how your life looks on paper, I wanted to write a short guide will show you how to write a eulogy for yourself, and why it might just change your life!

What Is a Living Eulogy?

Good question. I appreciate it might sound like a contradiction and as a professional eulogy writer, it is a question I get asked about a lot, but there's really nothing complicated about it.

A living eulogy is exactly what it sounds like; a eulogy written for yourself, by yourself (or a professional eulogy writer like me on your behalf), while you're still alive to enjoy it.

It’s a celebration of your life as it stands today; part reflection, part storytelling, part love letter to who you’ve been and who you're becoming.

Unlike traditional eulogies, which are spoken after someone has died, living eulogies are a way to engage with your legacy now!

They’re often used at retirement parties, milestone birthdays, memoir-writing workshops and even as personal development tools. They can even be done, ready for the when you do pass away, to ease the burden on those you leave behind to write it for you.

And no, you don’t have to read it out loud in front of a mirror.... unless that’s your thing.

Why Write a Eulogy for Yourself?

So what are the benefits of creating a living eulogy? I'm glad you asked! There are many, but I believe the five biggest are:

1. You Get to Control the Narrative

Let’s face it, people remember what stands out, and that’s not always flattering.

If you once mistook a bidet for a drinking fountain, someone’s going to bring it up.

Writing your own eulogy means you get to highlight what you believe really matters; your achievements, your character and your growth instead of letting your legacy be hijacked by anecdotes involving cheap tequila and questionable decisions in the '90s.

2. You’ll Discover What You Value Most

Writing your own eulogy forces you to confront some big questions:

• What am I proud of?

• What do I regret?

• What kind of impact have I had?

• Am I living the life I truly want?

• What do I want my lasting impact to be when I pass?

• Are my daily actions aligned with my values?

Questions like these help shine a spotlight on your values, helping you understand what you want to be remembered for - and, by extension, how you want to live now.

It’s a little like Marie Kondo-ing your life story. What sparks joy? What can you thank and let go?

3. It’s a Tool for Legacy Building

Most eulogies are written or commissioned by loved ones who may emphasise certain aspects of your life while overlooking others. By writing your own, you ensure that what matters most to you is front and centre - whether it’s your creativity, your resilience, or the relationships you’ve nurtured. In other words, your legacy!

Legacy sounds like such a grand term, but you don’t have to be famous, wealthy, or wildly accomplished to leave one.

Your legacy is simply the trail you leave in people’s hearts - your kindness, your quirks, your catchphrases, your courage, your passions. A living eulogy helps you see the impact you’ve already made and think about the one you still want to make.

4. It Encourages Self-Compassion

We’re often our own harshest critics, I know I am at times, but writing a eulogy for yourself allows you to step outside of your inner monologue and view your life with the same warmth and generosity you’d extend to a loved one.

It’s a chance to acknowledge your resilience, your growth and even your glorious imperfections.

5. It Can Bring Peace and Perspective

Confronting our own mortality isn’t easy, in fact, most of us avoid thinking about it. But when we do, it can be surprisingly liberating.

Writing your own eulogy isn’t about dwelling on death; it’s about celebrating life while you still have the chance to live it fully.

That's why I don't think confronting mortality is morbid, it’s grounding. When you imagine your life summarised in a eulogy, you start to see what truly matters.

The daily stresses we all go through, i.e. being stuck in traffic, minor disagreements with family and friends, social media drama, whatever it might be, all suddenly feel insignificant.

Instead, with perspective you can focus on:

• Relationships – Did I show love to those who matter most?

• Growth – Did I learn from my mistakes?

• Impact – Did I leave the world a little better?

  
  

This shift in focus can reduce anxiety and help you prioritise what’s truly meaningful.

A self-written eulogy helps you appreciate the life you’ve lived so far and clarifies what you still want to accomplish.

How to Write Your Own Eulogy

If you want to write your own eulogy, then I've put together some hints and tips, but don’t worry - this isn’t an exam and no one’s scoring you. There’s no 'correct' way to do this, but here’s a structure I'd use to guide you, especially useful if it's all new to you.

Photo by Daniel Thomas on Unsplash

Step 1: Imagine the Setting

Picture the scene: someone is standing at a podium, speaking about you.

Maybe it’s a celebration of your life at 100. Maybe it’s you at your retirement party. Maybe it’s a surreal dreamscape where your pet cat is delivering a heartfelt tribute. Maybe it's your own memorial service. The point is to create a mental stage. That’ll help set the tone; heartfelt, humorous, humble, or heroic. It's up to you.

Step 2: Open with a Summary

Start with a short, meaningful summary of your life as it stands. Think of this as your “elevator pitch obituary” - a snapshot that sums up who you are, what you value and what you’re known for.

As an example, if I was me, I'd write something like

“Gary was the kind of person who always picked up the phone on the second ring, danced at weddings like no one was watching and believed deeply in the power of a good cup of coffee to solve most of life’s problems.”

Step 3: Explore Your Life Chapters

Structure the eulogy in sections, like chapters in a memoir.

These could include:

• Early Days - childhood memories, family, school days, first passions.

• Turning Points - career choices, moves, marriages, break-ups, breakthroughs.

• Challenges Overcome - griefs, setbacks, mistakes you learned from.

• Relationships - friends, mentors, mentees, people you’ve loved.

• Defining Moments - the things that changed you, big or small.

• Hobbies, Habits & Quirks - your unmistakable signature on the world.

Let it be personal. Let it be real and if you cried in public once and laughed about it later? Put that in too.

Step 4: Acknowledge Your Legacy

Even if you’re still very much in the middle of your story, reflect on the ripple effects you've already made. This might be in your family, your work, your community, or in quiet moments no one else saw.

This could be something like this:

“He didn’t always know it, but the small things he did - the hand-written birthday cards, the way he listened without interrupting, the way he stood up for others - those were the things people remembered.”

Step 5: End with What’s Next

Here’s the twist: your story isn’t over. When writing, end your living eulogy with a note of intention. In other words, what you hope to keep doing, become, or explore in the years ahead. This could be:

"...and while the first chapters of his life have been colourful, chaotic and filled with love, the next ones promise a little more quiet, a little more writing and a lot more time spent noticing how good the morning sun feels.”

Living Eulogies as Gifts

Living eulogies don’t have to be private. In fact, giving or receiving a living eulogy can be a deeply moving gift.

Imagine telling a friend, partner, or parent what they mean to you before it’s too late. Imagine your children one day reading how you saw yourself with all your contradictions, humour, heartache and hope.

It’s not just writing about your life; it’s handing someone the manual on how you saw it.

Some therapists use living eulogies in grief counselling or end-of-life care. Others incorporate them in coaching or memoir writing. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to write yours, but you might find that it helps you handle one when it comes.

A Quick Word on Tone

Your eulogy doesn’t need to be overly solemn. In fact, some of the most powerful eulogies are also funny, candid and full of personality.

I'd always recommend you write the way you speak.

Swear, if that’s you. Quote Beyoncé, if that’s your thing. Mention your collection of novelty socks, your obsession with sourdough, or your love of watching true crime documentaries with your dog. Whatever makes you, you - include it.

Incidentally, if you'd like to read a more in-depth blog about tone in a eulogy, then please click here.

The PostScript - Writing to Live By

I think its important, especially as this blog comes to a close, to remember that a living eulogy isn’t just about preparing for death. It’s about choosing how you want to live.

It’s a mirror held up to your life, not to judge it, but to understand it - to shape the narrative you're still writing every day.

So write it while you're still here. Read it. Laugh at it. Cry at it. Then go live in a way that keeps surprising even the best version of yourself.

After all, who better to deliver the eulogy of your life than the person who’s lived it most truthfully?

P.S. Once you've written your eulogy, don’t just tuck it in a drawer and forget about it. Revisit it every year or so. Update it. Add new chapters. Delete the bit about your failed attempt at sourdough if it still stings. Let it guide your decisions and use it as a compass - when faced with choices, ask yourself Does this align with the life I want to be remembered for? After all, it’s your story so you get to edit it.

And if the day comes when someone else does have to read it out loud, may they smile and say: “Yep. That sounds exactly like them.”

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I'd love to know your thoughts. Have you got a living eulogy? Is it something you'd be interested in doing? Have I changed your mind and gave you something to think about? Let me know in the comments below.

If you'd like any help writing a living eulogy, then please take a look at this webpage and then get in touch and let's have a chat about how I can assist you to create something special.

Thanks for reading.