How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend: A Guide to Honouring a Unique Bond
- Gary Michaels
- 4 days ago
- 7 min read
When a friend passes away, the grief carries a unique weight. It’s a loss that exists outside the structured grief of family, a void carved from chosen kinship, shared history and inside jokes that no one else understood.
Often, with that loss comes a daunting request from their family, something like “Would you be willing to say a few words?”
The honour of being asked to deliver a friend’s eulogy is profound, but it can also feel paralysing. How do you possibly capture a lifetime of friendship in a few minutes? How do you do justice to the person who stood by you through breakups, career changes, and the simple, quiet moments that make up a life?
How to Write a Eulogy for a Friend
As a professional eulogy writer, I’ve helped numerous friends navigate this exact challenge.
The eulogy for a friend is a distinct art form. It’s less about the chronology of a life and more about its texture. It’s less about their role in a family tree and more about the shade they provided under its branches.
If you’re facing this task, please know that it’s not only possible to create something beautiful and authentic, it’s a final, powerful act of friendship.
Here’s how to begin.
The Friend’s Eulogy: A Different Vantage Point
First, let’s acknowledge why this feels different from a eulogy for a family member. A family eulogy often covers the foundational milestones: birth, childhood, marriage, career, children, etc. It speaks to the person’s role as a son, daughter, parent, or spouse.
Your eulogy comes from a different place.
You are the witness to the person they chose to be. You knew them not through obligation, but through affinity. This is your unique privilege and your central theme.
Your speech should answer the question, “Who was my friend when they were just being themselves?”
This perspective allows you to:
Highlight their chosen identity: The nicknames, the passions, the causes they championed.
Share stories family might not know: The road trips, the late-night conversations, the drunken nights out, the randomness of friendship, the triumphs and follies of youth.
Speak the language of your friendship: You can acknowledge their quirks and flaws with the warmth and familiarity that only a friend can.
The Blueprint: Crafting a Eulogy That Feels Like Them
1. Start by Gathering Your Thoughts (and Your Friends)
Don’t stare at a blank screen. Begin by gathering memories.
Open a notebook or a fresh document and just brain-dump. Write down every story, every trait, every phrase they always used. Whatever you can remember, however random, collate it all.
Don’t judge or edit; just collect.
Then, reach out to your mutual friends. A group text or a phone call can be invaluable.
Say something like “I’m working on the eulogy for [Their Name], and I’m collecting stories. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind?”
You’ll be amazed at what surfaces. One friend might remember their legendary barbecue skills, another their terrible singing in the car, another the time they quietly helped a stranger. These fragments are your raw materials.
2. Find Your Central Theme
A eulogy without a theme is just a list of anecdotes. A theme gives it heart and cohesion.
Look at your collection of memories. What thread ties them together? Was your friend the anchor in every storm, always offering steady, calm advice? Were they the spark, the one who could turn a boring Tuesday into an adventure? Were they the connector, the social glue who brought people together?
Your theme doesn’t need to be stated overtly, but it will serve as your compass. Every story you choose should, in some way, illuminate this core quality.
3. Structure Your Speech for Impact
A simple, effective structure can make the writing process much less intimidating.
The Opening: Start by introducing yourself and your relationship, e.g. “For those who don’t know me, I’m [Your Name], and I had the great privilege of being [Their Name]'s friend for over twenty (or however long it is) years.” Then, state your theme gently. “If I had to describe [Their Name] in one word, it would be ‘curious.’”
The Middle: The Story Weave: This is where you bring your theme to life with 2-3 well-chosen stories. Don’t just list them; paint a picture.
Story 1: A short, often humorous story that showcases their personality. (e.g., the time they tried to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions and the hilarious result).
Story 2: A deeper, more poignant story that reveals their character. (e.g., how they showed up at your door without being asked when you were going through a hard time).
Weave in the qualities you want to highlight: their loyalty, their humour, their resilience.
The Closing: This is your final farewell. Acknowledge the loss. “The world feels a little quieter without [Their Name's laugh in it.” Then, offer a message of comfort. This could be a direct address to your friend (“Thank you for the light you brought into our lives”), a comforting thought for the mourners (“Let’s carry her spirit of kindness forward”), or a final, fitting anecdote or quote.
4. Speak in Your Authentic Voice
Let's not forget, this is not an academic essay. It’s a conversation from the heart. Use the language you would use when talking to your friend.
If you’re not a naturally formal person, don’t try to be one now. It’s OK to say “He was the best” or “She drove me crazy sometimes, but I loved her for it.” Authenticity resonates far more than perfect grammar. Read your draft aloud. Does it sound like you? If it feels stilted, rewrite it until it flows naturally.
My Hints and Tips for Creating Something Truly Special
As someone who writes eulogies for a living, he are some of my tips to help you write something special for your late friend.
The Power of a Single Detail: Instead of saying something like “He was generous,” tell the story of how he always knew how you took your coffee and would have it ready for you. Specificity is the soul of narrative.
It’s OK to Laugh: Grief and joy are two sides of the same coin. A funny, affectionate story that makes people smile through their tears is a gift. It’s a moment of relief and a true celebration of the person’s spirit.
Address the Family Directly: Find a moment to speak to the family; e.g. “To Sarah’s parents, thank you for raising such an incredible human. To her children, know that your mum spoke of you with so much love and pride.” This connects your world to theirs and shows deep respect.
Keep it Concise: Aim for between 3 to 5 minutes. It might not sound like much, but this is long enough to be meaningful and short enough to hold everyone’s attention during an emotionally charged time.
Practice, But Don’t Memorise: Practice reading your eulogy aloud several times. This will help you manage your emotions and find a natural rhythm. But don’t try to memorise it. Having the words in front of you is a safety net on a difficult day.
When the Words Won't Come: How I Can Help
Now, let’s talk about what happens if you follow all my advice and the page is still blank. I get that.
Let's not forget, grief is a powerful, disorienting force. The pressure to get it "perfect" can fuse with your sorrow and create a total creative block. This is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of how much you cared.
This is where my work often begins.
Many of the people I help are friends who've lost someone just like you, people who are overflowing with love and memories but find themselves unable to shape them into a speech. They are too close to the subject, and the pain is too fresh. I get that too.
When you work with a professional eulogy writer like myself, you are not outsourcing your grief. I prefer to think about it as you are hiring a collaborator, an editor and a guide, all rolled into one.
Here’s what the process generally looks like:
The Conversation: Once you've placed an order, there's a basic questionnaire to fill in to start the ball rolling, but once that's done, we have a conversation, either over the phone or via video call. I don’t just ask for facts, I want to know more about them and your relationship; I ask you to tell me stories. I’ll ask questions like, “What did you admire most about them?” or “What’s a memory that always makes you smile?” I'm listening out for the themes, the laughter and the emotion in your voice.
The Crafting: I take your raw, beautiful memories and your unique voice, and I weave them into a structured, heartfelt and polished eulogy. I ensure it has a clear narrative flow, a resonant them and the authentic ring of your friendship.
The Delivery: I provide you with a beautifully formatted final copy, along with notes on delivery; i.e. where to pause, where to breathe, how to manage emotion, etc.. My goal is to give you a speech that you not only feel proud of, but that also feels genuinely yours, freeing you to focus on delivering it with presence and heart.
Your final gift to your friend is your testimony. It is the proof that their life mattered, that their spirit touched others and that the unique, irreplaceable bond of friendship does not end with death.
You have been given this task because you held a special piece of your friend’s story.
However you choose to write it. whether alone, with friends, or with a guiding hand, the act of speaking your love aloud will be a profound step in your own healing, and a beautiful tribute to a life well-lived and a friend well-loved.
The PostScript: A Final Act of Friendship
Writing a eulogy for a friend is undoubtedly one of the most difficult tasks you'll ever face.
It is born from sorrow, but its purpose is celebration. It is an act of love that transcends the pain of the moment to honour a bond that was built on choice, laughter and mutual support. Remember, you are not just recounting a life; you are bearing witness to a relationship that helped define your own.
You are giving voice to a loss felt by many, but from the unique and precious perspective only you hold.
Whether you find the words yourself, gather them with your friends, or seek a guiding hand like mine to help shape them, what matters most is the intention behind them.
Your tribute, spoken from the heart, regardless of who wrote the words, will be a fitting and beautiful farewell. It is, in its truest form, one final act of friendship. Don't we all want that from our friends?
If you want me to write a beautiful bespoke eulogy from scratch, or just give yours some professional polish, I'd be honoured to help. Take a look at my website on how I can help and if you need any more information, please just reach out.
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