I know I've said it before, but it's just as true now as ever, writing a eulogy is one of the most profound and challenging tasks one can undertake.
It demands a delicate balance of honouring a loved one’s memory while managing your own emotional turmoil.
The Psychology Of Writing A Eulogy
On the surface, it might seem straightforward - share fond memories, highlight accomplishments and offer comforting words. However, the psychology behind crafting a eulogy reveals a deeper complexity, rooted in grief, pressure and self-doubt.
In this blog, I wanted to explore the little-known psychology of writing a eulogy and why writing one is so hard (even for a professional like me), some of which might surprise you.
I'll also offer some practical strategies to help you overcome these challenges if you find yourself writing one for your loved one.
Why Writing a Eulogy Feels So Difficult
1. The Weight of Grief
I'm sure you'd agree that grief is a powerful, often overwhelming emotion for anyone.

When you’re tasked with writing a eulogy, you’re trying to distill a lifetime of memories while grappling with the rawness of loss. Grief can cloud your thinking, making it hard to focus or articulate your thoughts.
The closer you were to the deceased, the more intense this challenge can feel.
2. The Pressure to Get It Right
A eulogy is often seen as the defining tribute to someone’s life. This creates immense pressure, especially for the person writing it, to capture their essence perfectly.
Many people worry about leaving something out, saying the wrong thing, or not doing justice to their loved one’s memory. This fear of imperfection can paralyse you.
3. The Fear of Public Speaking
For those not accustomed to speaking in front of an audience, delivering a eulogy adds another layer of anxiety on top of all the sadness you're feeling.
The fear of stumbling over words, getting emotional, or being judged can amplify the difficulty of the writing process. I've seen even the most seasoned public speakers struggle under the emotional weight of the occasion.
4. Conflict Between Personal Grief and Public Responsibility
Writing a eulogy requires you to set aside some of your personal grief to focus on the needs of the audience. Something that's easier than done.
You’re tasked with comforting others, which can feel at odds with your own need to process your emotions privately.
5. The Challenge of Summarising a Life
How do you encapsulate someone’s entire life in just a few minutes? This challenge forces you to make tough decisions about what to include and what to leave out.
The fear of overlooking something significant can make the process feel daunting.
6. Family Dynamics
Family relationships can add another layer of complexity. If there are tensions or differing opinions about what should be included in the eulogy, or they had a different relationship with the deceased than you did and want that acknowledging, then you might feel caught in the middle.
Balancing the expectations of others with your own vision for the tribute can be a delicate task.
Incidentally, if you need to navigate difficult relationships when writing a eulogy, this blog might help you.
7. The Desire for Authenticity
Many people worry about sounding cliché or insincere. Trust me when I say there’s a fine line between being heartfelt and veering into overly sentimental territory or 'cheesey' platitudes)
Striving for authenticity while managing the expectations of a grieving audience is a nuanced challenge anyone writing a eulogy has to manage.
8. Unexpected Triggers
As you reflect on your memories, you might encounter unexpected emotional triggers - things you didn’t realise would hit so hard, until they do, or memories you thought were long forgotten until they suddenly appear front and centre in your thoughts.
These moments can make it difficult to continue writing and may leave you feeling emotionally drained.
Strategies to Overcome These Challenges
I've tried to come up with many of the most common reasons why writing a eulogy can be a challenge, but there are ways to overcome them.

1. Start with Acceptance
The first one is a relatively simple one; acknowledge that writing a eulogy will be emotionally challenging, and that’s OK. There’s no 'right' way to feel during this process. I get emotional writing them and I will usually have no relation to the deceased at all.
When it's someone you love, give yourself permission to grieve, cry and take breaks when needed. Accepting the difficulty can help you move forward without self-judgment.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
You don’t need to capture every detail of your loved one’s life, you simply don't have the time (or the emotional bandwidth) within the service.
Instead, focus on a few key moments, qualities, or defining stories that highlight who they were.
Remember, the audience will already have their own memories, your role is to guide and affirm those shared experiences, not provide a comprehensive biography.
3. Write in Small Chunks
The thought of writing an entire eulogy at once can feel overwhelming. Instead, I'd recommend breaking it into smaller parts.
Start with a list of key memories, anecdotes or traits, then expand on each one. This approach allows you to focus on manageable pieces rather than the whole task. It will also help you plan the structure of the eulogy to ensure the important details are included and feel organic.
4. Ask for Input
If you’re struggling to decide what to include, reach out to family and friends for their thoughts.
They might share anecdotes or insights you hadn’t considered (or forgotten) or might have their own special memories.
Collaborative input can also ease the pressure of feeling like the eulogy rests entirely on your already grieving shoulders.
5. Focus on Specific Stories
Instead of trying to summarise someone’s entire life, highlight specific stories that capture their essence.
A funny anecdote, a moment of kindness, or a shared memory can resonate more deeply with the audience than a list of achievements.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
No eulogy is perfect, and that’s OK too. What matters most is the intention behind your words.
As long as your tribute comes from the heart, it will be meaningful to those who hear it.
Remember, your audience is not there to critique your performance, but to share in honouring your loved one.
7. Practice Self-Compassion
I cant stress this one enough even though it's often easy to disregard. Always remember to be kind to yourself throughout the process.
Writing a eulogy is an act of love, and it’s natural to feel vulnerable when emotions are so raw.
If you stumble or get emotional while delivering it, that is not a failure, it’s a reflection of your deep connection to the person you’re honouring.
8. Prepare for Emotional Triggers
Anticipate that certain memories might bring up strong emotions. If this happens, step away for a moment, take a breath and process your feelings.
Journalling or talking to a trusted friend can help you work through these emotions without derailing your progress.
9. Rehearse Delivery in a Safe Space
Practicing your eulogy out loud can help ease anxiety about public speaking.
Choose a trusted friend or family member to listen and provide feedback. This will not only help you refine your delivery, but also build confidence that you're creating something worthy of your loved one.
10. Seek Professional Help
If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, consider hiring a professional eulogy writer like me.
I can help you organise your thoughts and craft a meaningful tribute while alleviating some of the emotional burden.
A professional such as myself can also provide guidance on tone and structure, ensuring the eulogy resonates with your audience.
Even if you have a eulogy more-or-less complete, I can offer a comprehensive editing service to give it the professional polish it needs.
The PostScript
While writing a eulogy is undeniably challenging, let's not forget it can also be a profoundly healing experience.
It provides an opportunity to reflect on your loved one’s life, find meaning in their passing and connect with others in shared remembrance.
Many people find that the process, though painful at the time, helps them move through their grief and honour their loved one in a deeply personal way.
By understanding the psychological hurdles and employing strategies to overcome them, you can approach the task with greater clarity and confidence.
Remember, a eulogy isn’t about perfection, it’s about love, connection and paying tribute to a life well-lived.
In the end, your words will be a gift to both your loved one and those who hear them.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, I hope you enjoyed it and it gave you some useful information and helped you (now or in the future). These are my thoughts but I'd love to know what you think too. If you've written a eulogy for a loved one, how did you cope? Were they any strategies you employed to help you? Did you utilise any of these to get you through? Let me know in the comments below.
As I mentioned, if you need any help writing a eulogy, then please get in touch with me and let's have a conversation about how we can create something special and honour your loved one. I look forward to hearing from you.
Main blog photo courtesy of Danie Franco on Unsplash
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