Writing a eulogy is a delicate and heartfelt task under any circumstances. Trust me when I say that because I do it for a living.
It’s an opportunity to reflect on and celebrate the life of the person who has passed away.
But what happens when the person you’re eulogising doesn't have a wide social circle?
What do you do if you're asked to write a eulogy for them? How do you find the words to honour someone with no, or few, family and friends? How do you do it knowing the funeral will be sparsely attended, and their life appears to have been lived quietly and without much outward fanfare? I'm glad you asked.
How To Write a Eulogy for Someone with No Family or Friends
This situation can feel uniquely challenging and poignant. Crafting a eulogy for someone who led a solitary or understated life requires careful thought and sensitivity.
In those situations, it’s more about finding and conveying the value and meaning in their existence, even if it wasn’t outwardly apparent to others.
With that in mind, if that's where you find yourself, I wanted to put together a guide to help you create a eulogy that honours such a person with the respect and dignity they undoubtedly deserve.
1. Understand the Purpose of a Eulogy
Before you begin writing, and I do this every time, remind yourself why eulogies are important.
A eulogy is not just a speech; it’s an act of remembrance and gratitude. It’s a chance to take a second to say, “This person mattered.”
For someone with few connections, this sentiment is especially crucial.
Your words might be the primary, or even the only, testament to their life. You’re there to acknowledge their existence, reflect on their humanity and give voice to their memory.
2. Research Their Life
When limited information is available about a person’s life, the first task is to gather as much as possible.
Reach out to any remaining family members, neighbours, old workmates, drinking buddies or acquaintances. Even a few anecdotes can provide insights into their personality and life experiences and give you something to build a eulogy around.
If possible, visit their home or speak with people at places they frequented, like a local store, pub or library.
Look through any personal belongings or journals if available. If you discover very little, that’s okay. You can still create a meaningful eulogy by focusing on universal themes of human experience. I guarantee even the simplest life holds complexity, emotion and value.
3. Focus on Human Qualities
When specific stories or details are scarce, emphasise the person’s human qualities.
Were they kind, resilient, quiet, or independent? How did they navigate their daily life? What were their hobbies, interests, or routines?
For example, if they were known to take long walks every morning, you might talk about the solace they found in nature or the routine’s consistency as a form of meditation.
If they had a passion for books, reflect on the worlds they explored through reading.
These reflections can make the person feel real and relatable, even to those who don’t know them well.
4. Highlight the Quiet Impact
Every person leaves some mark on the world, no matter how small or quiet. It's what makes us unique in the world.
Perhaps they were a dedicated employee, a helpful neighbour, or someone who cared for stray animals. Small acts of kindness and quiet contributions are no less valuable than grand gestures.
If you know of any small ways they made a difference, highlight these. For instance
“Though [Their name] was a man of few words, he always made sure to keep the neighbourhood park clean. His quiet care was a gift to all of us who walked there.”
Such details help illustrate the value of their life in a tangible way.
5. Use Metaphors and Poetry
When specific details are lacking, metaphors, poetry and quotations can be a beautiful way to express feelings and emotions.
Choose words that convey a sense of peace, solitude, and the intrinsic worth of every life. For example, you might say something like:
“Their life was like a lone star in the night sky, shining quietly but steadily. They may not have been surrounded by other stars, but they still brought light to the darkness.”
Such language helps convey depth and respect.
6. Acknowledge the Loneliness
It’s okay to acknowledge the loneliness or isolation they may have experienced. You don’t have to shy away from this reality. However, do so with compassion and empathy.
It's also important to remember that their loneliness may well have been a conscious choice. Some people enjoy their own company and are quite happy being a loner, so it doesn't always have to be portrayed as a negative.
You might say:
“Life wasn’t always easy for [Their name]. She walked a path that often felt solitary. But in her own way, she navigated it with strength and grace.”
Words like these acknowledge the challenge without making it the sole defining feature of their life.
7. Celebrate Their Independence
For someone with few close connections, independence is often a defining characteristic. Celebrate this trait as a strength.
You can talk about how they lived life on their own terms, made their own choices and found ways to enjoy solitude. For example:
“George valued his independence. He found comfort in his routine, joy in his small pleasures, and lived his life in a way that suited him. He didn’t need the approval of others; he was content with who he was.”
8. Reflect on Shared Humanity
At the core of every eulogy is a reminder of our shared humanity. Regardless of how social or solitary a person was, they experienced the same range of emotions and desires as everyone else.
Reflect on this shared human experience. Talk about how, like all of us, they had dreams, fears and moments of joy. You might say
“Like all of us, [Their name] experienced love and loss, hope and disappointment. She walked the same earth and saw the same sky. Her journey was unique, but in many ways, it was also familiar. She was one of us.”
9. Find Meaning in Their Passing
If you’re speaking to a small audience, your words can help those present find meaning in the loss.
This is especially important when someone dies with few mourners. Express the importance of their gathering, no matter how small. For example
“Though we are few here today, our presence is a testament to the fact that every life has value. We are here to honour [Their Name], to acknowledge their existence, and to say that they were not forgotten.”
10. Keep It Simple and Sincere
A simple, sincere eulogy can be the most powerful in such cases such as this. You don’t need elaborate language or long speeches.
Focus on expressing your genuine respect for the person and their life. Even a brief eulogy, if heartfelt, can resonate deeply.
11. End with a Hopeful Note
Conclude the eulogy with a hopeful, peaceful sentiment. This could be a wish for their peace, a hope that they are remembered, or a reminder of the impact they made, however small. For example
“May [Their Name] find peace in the next life, as they journey beyond this world. And may we remember them with kindness and gratitude, knowing that every life touches this world in ways seen and unseen.”
12. Create a Lasting Tribute
If the person’s life was solitary, consider suggesting a small tribute or memorial in their honour, such as planting a tree or donating to a charity.
This can provide a tangible way for those present to remember and honour the deceased.
The Final Word
Writing a eulogy for someone who has few personal connections can feel like an enormous responsibility. But remember, the essence of a eulogy is not the number of people present or the magnitude of the person’s achievements. It’s about recognising the worth and dignity of a human life.
By speaking with compassion, honesty and respect, you can honour their memory in a way that is both meaningful and profound.
Even a life lived quietly, away from the spotlight, has value. And in the end, your words will ensure that they are remembered and cherished, even by those who never had the chance to know them.
Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post. I do appreciate it. I'd also love to know what you think. How would you go about honouring a quiet life? Have I missed anything? If you've found yourself in this situation, what did you do? Let me know in the comments below.
If you need a eulogy writing, whether the deceased lived a quiet life or not, then please consider using me to create something special. Take a look at my services and let me work with you to deliver something bespoke. I can write it from scratch or just help you edit the one you have already.
If you like my post, please also consider subscribing to my new Substack where I go into these topics, and many more, in much more detail. See you there!
Main blog photo by Sydney Rae via Unsplash
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